April 20, 2004 (person)

Who is skybluefusion? Where the hell did she come from? Level 4 and I’ve never seen them before!? How is this possible?

Skybluefusion…

Well let’s start with explaining what this means.

skybluefusion~My given name is derived from Jennifer which derives from Guinevere which derives from gwen which means white, fair and hwyfar, which means smooth. Blue has become my name as a converging person. sky blue is a mixture of blue and white. Fusion comes from confusion, for I have spent much of my life in a state of confusion. It has a double meaning though, the other being fusion of selves into a functional being.

I actually had a really nice person, a noder of course, tell me today, “I admit, bluebird_is_sad was my choice of worst user name ever. LOL” True. It was bad. I admit it. I never said it was good. It was a complaint really. I didn’t get the name I’d wanted originally. He also said, “skybluefusion, now that is an awesome name, two thumbs up” Thank you.

I am working toward many changes in my life, and getting away from _is_sad is an important step for me. I hope I have not caused any confusion for anyone. I am grateful to everyone who has supported me as bluebird_is_sad and beyond. I am extremely grateful to those who helped make this change happen.

E2 Article in News for Noders inspired me to write the following section. It is a modified version of what I sent her.

I recently had a conversation about why I spend so much time on everything2.com. E2 is so many things. I know it sounds silly, but I think everything2 can be given at least partial credit for me even being alive.

How can a website be responsible for someone’s life? Well, it’s not so much the site itself as the people who populate it, and the opportunities it provides. I have struggled with mental illness my whole life. Online, especially through my writings on e2, I have been able to open up about who I really am in ways I’ve never been able to do elsewhere. What I’ve received in return for my writing is amazing. Friendship, compassion, understanding, gentle criticism, love. Things that give life meaning.

Everything2 has worked for me on many levels. I use it as a study tool, by letting me node my homework,and by letting me quickly search for information on anything and everything. It provides me with a sense of accomplishment. Every time I node something I feel like I’ve accomplished something, I’ve shared my knowledge. It has provided me with a sense of helping others. I actively seek out “newbies” and offer my assistance and several have taken me up on the offer. It brings me great joy to help others. Most importantly however, is the friendships this website has helped me find. I have several friends, true friends, who are fellow noders. None of which I would have found if not for this site. Some of these people I have spoken to on the phone. Others only through a keyboard. E2 is filled with wonderful, caring, intelligent people. I have shared things in my writings on e2 and in my conversations with the friends this site has brought me that I have never told anyone face to face. Writing about such things has allowed me to learn much about myself, and to grow. Everything2 really is a community. It is a very supportive one at that.

Recently, someone I know online, but not an everythingian, attempted to kill herself. She came in the chatroom we are both regulars in to say goodbye. We knew what she had done, and did not want to lose her, and if she had truly wanted to die she would not have let us know what she had done. Of the few people in the chatroom at the time, no one except myself and the person in trouble was within the United States. I did not have access to a phone. The wonderful noders came through. The catbox became a frenzy and my /msgs poured in. This friend was retrieved by an ambulance after a lovely noder called emergency services.

Although many people say I spend way too much time on e2, I am content. I am learning. I am entertained. I don’t care what people think.

I truly believe everything2.com is a godsend to me.