It's about 9:30 in the morning. I don't understand exactly how the space-time continuum works, but I know everything is relative. I know it's already afternoon in New York, evening in Europe, and our day doesn't mean anything on other planets.
But an hour is a pretty well defined thing. I'm pretty sure my watch would work in outer space, although I haven't tested it. So when I say I've been lying awake for the past hour and a half, I think anyone, no matter where they are, would understand.
I went to bed about 3-4 am. Again, it's all relative. I have no idea why my body decided it only felt like 5 hours of sleep. But then again, I don't exactly know why I need sleep at all. No one does for sure. Well, no one I've heard of. I hate to make assumptions.
I thought of Mafia at some point after waking up and failing all attempts to go back to sleep. I know I realized she didn't call shortly after waking up. But then my thoughts turned to Mafia. That makes sense since I'm in a few games right now. You can play online, you see.
Then my thoughts turned to Blade Runner Mafia. And from there they went to origami unicorns. Unicorns. Nethack. Bladerunner. The uncut version has a dream sequence of a unicorn. White. They have white unicorns in Nethack. And Black. And grey. Have I ever seen a grey or black unicorn depicted anywhere? What about brown? Don't they have brown unicorns? I'm sure they don't in nethack. I could genocide all unicorns to be sure, but I'm a little afraid.
Zork. There was a unicorn in Zork II. That was the only one we never finished. By "we" I mean "me" mostly, although my father did help some.
The party. Just a couple days away now. Oh if I were God.
I've fallen into an annoying habit of wishing I were God instead of wishing for anything else. "I wish" is a fairly common expression for a lot of people, and trying to catch yourself using it is a fairly interesting game. I try to turn all my wishes into just the one, it seems more efficient. Anyway, it would be fun to make all the alcohol in the world disappear right before the party.
I've heard people say god must have a sense of humor. There is the platypus. There is the fact men reach their sexual peak around 18 and women at 30. There are other examples.
If I were God though the first real big funny I would pull would be two-fold. First, everybody in the world would fart at the same time. Second, it would smell nice.
I haven't picked out a smell, but it isn't important. I suppose it would be best if I made it smell like each persons favorite smell. Not that I have much faith in "favorites" but I suppose if I were God I'd have more faith in general. It is also fairly important that each person would release the loudest fart they ever let loose in their life.
I'm guessing the entire planet would erupt in laughter. Say what you will about dick and fart jokes, but everyone in the entire world farting at once, now that's humor. I think it's the juxtaposition of the ideas of "miracle" and "farting" appeals on some intellectual level.
I'd like to see what they put in the history books, too.