If you enjoy anything you are about to read you are debt to an old friend of mine. He checks out e2 on a fairly regular basis and complained to me that I hadn't written anything in too long. So if you even so much as smile during any of this...nay I say if you even go so far as to read the whole thing, then you owe my friend. /msg me for information on where to send money.

I could say I've been busy. That seems impossible to those who don't understand how a man like me...a man with no job...a man who regularly gets up in the afternoon...can possibly be busy.

Well, I play nethack, for one. If you would consider yourself a gamer and you've never played, a pox on you. Nay, may your genitalia fall off. When did I get on this nay, kick?

To say nethack is a good game does it no justice.


The ability for the simple to evolve into the complex is what makes nethack so good, methinks. When you first play it you walk around the dungeon and most people probably think something like, "I'm an 'at' symbol? How lame."

If you are lucky you will hit a rock trap, a rock will fall on your head and you will die. I say you'd be lucky, because that would be step one. Step two would be when you kill a goblin and take his orcish helm. Or maybe you play a character that starts with a helm. Eventually you hit another rock trap, only this time the helmet protects your head. Just about fifty games later you put the the two occurances together and you wonder, "Does every way I die have some counter to it?"

By now I'm sure I've lost all the people who have no interest in games. Good. If you can't even begin to understand how much I love games then how can you really understand me? And if you can't understand me then how can I hope you'll give me oral sex?

Oh what a transition. Games and Sex. Hmm. Missing something. Oh, there it is: comedy. My trinity. Most things I love really do fall into those 3 catagories. Not all, but most.

I was just thinking about that line about oral sex. Thinking about all the men reading. Wondering if they'd get the wrong idea. Wondering if they think I'm a tease. Truth is I really don't desire sex from men. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I were gay. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I had been castrated instead of circumsized. Sometimes I'm too busy lusting after some woman to have these thoughts.

So yeah, I've been busy with nethack and lust. Oh and my job. Or you can say I don't have a job. Either way is equally entertaining.

Hmmm. I wonder if I should do some name dropping. Nah. Suffice to say you COULD call me a professional poker player. You could also say I lived off my savings for a long time. You can't really get around the fact that I haven't punched a clock in over a year and the only way I've made money since I moved to Vegas is through poker.

My point? Well I was thinking about what to put in this daylog. It seems a whole heck of a lot of people are interested in what it's like to be a pro like me. (small laughter) That's what we are called. Basically it's the pros, the tourists...and then there are locals that are probably small losers...maybe they have real jobs too or something.

I'm simplifying this way too much, but the point is I wanted to talk about logic and luck. I think there is an understanding that anyone who is really good...not so much really good, but good consistantly...at poker has. Basically it's the phrase I finally came up with: luck only describes the past, it has no bearing on the future.

This woman I know asked me if I have a lucky dealer. I hear questions like this all the time. People associate winning at gambling with being lucky. But it doesn't work that way. Yes, if you beat the house in any house game you could say you got lucky. But does that mean you are lucky?

I think I was trying to stay away from the whole religion/god/karma thing, but I can't. I just don't see how anyone can believe in those things, truly believe, and be successful at poker. It's like when I went flying with the last woman I fell in love with. She owned a little plane (but claimed she wasn't rich...don't get me started, I'm bitter enough) and took me flying a couple of times. People asked me if I was scared at all.

No. I mean I actually liked the idea that I wasn't going to die because the girl I loved was smart. She knew what she was doing and that = we don't die. Once you start letting yourself believe in god and karma and shit you enter a world of mystic causes.

Let's look at a poker example. For those not familiar with texas hold 'em terminology, tough shit. Say I get pocket rockets and this guy cold calls two bets with 74 suited and goes runner runner flush to beat me after I flop a set of aces and he has NOTHING but that draw. Let's even say he has two hearts. I like that because it's all metaphorical. He is drawing dead to those two hearts. See hearts symbolize love and all that shit. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of love...especially romantic love, but it ain't got shit to do with poker.

Now this retard just sucked out on me hardcore. Was that because I'm such an obvious asshole? Does god hate me? Did I deserve that?

Well I say no. Because I AM an atheist bastard asshole. But I also understand poker and probibility and cause and effect. This guy is a losing poker player. This guy played the hand badly. This guy makes me money. Yes, he may have beaten me this hand, but the vast majority of the time he just gives me 2 and a half big bets. Just gives them to me. Then, sometimes the river (or even the turn) pairs the board with his precious heart and he gives me even more money.

What you have to realize is THAT GUY just has a lot of different faces. That guy will lose to you time and time again and you won't even know it, becuase he'll just fold on the river when he has NOTHING and you bet your top set. He'll just go all in and lose and leave the table quietly. Or maybe loudly. But he will leave a loser. Maybe not that night, maybe not in a week, maybe not for months. But if he plays like that and puts any real time in at the table he WILL lose. Don't believe me? Let's bet on it. And if you are lucky he will get replaced by another loser.

You've all seen Rounders and you all remember that scene where Matt talks about how the piranah don't eat each other. It really doesn't take too many fish to feed the others. And there seems to be a steady supply of them.

What cracks me up is I could devote my life trying to teach people about all this stuff...and don't get the wrong idea...at the table I don't teach you anything, and I'm not a jerk. I'm the most friendly local you'll meet. I won't make you feel stupid, even though you are. Nice hand, sir. I could try to teach but some just won't learn. Or they can't. Something. I believe it's all about god and luck and karma and shit.

Richard Garfield said one of the greatest things about Magic was people could blame their deck when they lost. And poker players can blame the dealer. Or the cards, or the stars, or god. Blame anyone but yourself. It's one of the few opportunities I get to profit from your stupidity.