Green soup is delicious. There are many varieties, however. I offer here my
very favorite which is neither politically correct, vegetarian or otherwise
adjusted. It's a lovely, tasty soup is what it is, and if one has any argument with
me about its "appropriateness," I suggest that before the vegetarian/vegan
challenge me they fast for at least seven days, at which time even the most
strict vegan will be ready to chew his or her arm off.
- One package Manischewitz brand (or other) dried split-pea soup mix (the type that in
the U.S. is contained in an elongated cellophane wrapper, the size of a
large penis
- One cube Knorr-Swiss brand chicken bouillon
- A cup of Prosciutto de Parma or other fine ham, chopped into 1/4 inch
pieces
- Two very large, sweet (preferably Vidalia onions), skinned and chopped
coarsely
- A half-cup of flat Italian parsley, picked of stems and washed
thoroughly
- Sweet butter or olive oil in enough volume to sauté
the onion
- One Bay Leaf
- Two lovely sweet carrots, scrubbed hard but leaving the skin intact for
purposes of nutrition, cut into one-inch pieces
- A parsnip, peeled when raw and cut into chunks
- A bunch of asparagus, with the bottoms removed by snapping so
one avoids the tough areas, and cutting into one-inch pieces, yields two
cups
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Four more tablespoons sweet butter
- One cup heavy "whipping" cream; plus a half-cup if to be
served cold
Combine all the ingredients up to, but not including the asparagus in a large
soup-pot. Wilt the onions and soften the carrots and parsnips in the oil or
butter. Add two cups of water and allow to simmer until reduced by half. If the
soup appears too thick or dry, add a little water or white wine and the
asparagus, cooking for seven minutes.
Season the soup with salt and pepper to taste. Do your best to remove the Bay
leaf. Place the ingredients, a little more than a cup at a time, in a blender or
food processor, place the cover on top and start the motor on the "high" setting. Puree well. If using a
food processor, pass the result through a coarse sieve, as there are bound to be bits of ham and strings of Asparagus skin in the result no matter how long you allow the soup to process in the machine.
Return the puree to the pot and heat ever so gently, adding the heavy cream
rapidly and melting the butter just enough to get a decent emulsion. Serve at
once with a garnish of steamed fresh sweet peas removed from the pod. It's
perfectly alright to add a bit more heavy cream once one has chilled this soup
for consumption in the hot summer months.
NOTE: when buying the Prosciutto, go to the pork counter and purchase a very
large shin bone, which you'll suggest that vegetarians place vigorously in their
rectums
should they not want any of this soup.
ALSO: thoroughly enjoy the thrashings, choking and pleas for help from those diners who keep Kosher or who're lactose intolerant or otherwise allergic to the ingredients. And yes, both the Manischewitz soup mix and Knorr bouillon cubes contain the horrible Monosodium Glutamate