Please, please. Do not believe I am recommending this. Do not misunderstand. Do not misinterpret my intentions. I would never want to think that any of you have ever been scarred by this recipe from Coca Cola Co. I want you all to be happy. I would never want you to do this. In fact, I hesitate about exposing you to the horrors that follow. Please forgive me if you are scarred or discomfited in any way. Gomen nasai, gomen nasai.

With this caveat lector, behold:

Cola Basted Ham
1 ham
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
2 tsp dry mustard
1/2 cup dry bread crumbs, very fine
12 oz. Coke
cloves

Cook your ham according to package directions until it reaches an internal temp of 160 degrees for a cook before eating ham or 140 degrees for a ready to eat ham. When cool enough to handle, pull off the skin, cover the top of the ham with a mixture of brown sugar, dry mustard and bread crumbs. Score the ham, stud with cloves, pour the Coke around the ham, cover and bake at 400 degrees for 35 minutes, basting from time to time with the liquid. When it is done, let it set about 30 minutes before carving.