Global warming. We all know it's going on.
Florida and
China are inching closer and closer to becoming giant
sinkholes. How do we stop it? Here are some ideas:
1. Giant orbital bottle of SPF 50 sunblock
Originally proposed by Dave Barry. If sunscreen can keep solar radiation from burning your skin, who's to say it wouldn't work on the Earth? We could even get some fragrance manufacturers from Paris to make it smell nice.
2. Flood the West Bank
A certain geology professor at a certain International University in Florida that shall remain nameless semi-seriously proposed this. Since the Dead Sea is so far below sea level, why not dig a trench from the Red Sea and drain some excess ocean water into the West Bank? If Fox News is to be believed, all they have over there is suicide bombers and Yasser Arafat. Sure, we might lose Jerusalem, but how many times has Jerusalem been lost in human history? I rest my case. Let terrorists put on scuba gear and fight over the Holy Land, but at least save Miami!
3. Flood Death Valley
Come on, do we really need a big, steamy hellhole in the middle of nowhere in California, even if it's a National Monument? California's gonna become an island anyway, why not expedite the process a bit? All that desert is going to waste!
4. Propel the earth into a farther orbit
If Earth is getting too warm where it is, let's build some Orion engines with all those nukes we have lying around and push it into an orbit farther from the sun. Hell, maybe Texas would be a livable state then!
5. Move to higher ground
After all, you can't go skiing in the swamp.
6. Buy electric and fuel cell cars, build dams and tidal power generators, convert the Sahara Desert to a solar farm...
Nah, too much trouble.