The past few days have been ... painful. Mostly from over-exposure to self-analysis rays. That kind of radiation can get you every time, you know. Continuing with that metaphor, I think I've contracted radiation sickness. The inner-skin of my heart feels blistered and raw.

My fault, I suppose. Constant exposure would've bred endurace, so I guess I've been remiss in my duties. There that saying of "My body is my temple" , but there doesn't exist an equivilent proverb for the mind. The only provebs about the mind are about its strength against others (mind and body) or its weaknesses. That's a bit peculiar, in our society. I mean, we are approaching the mid-point of the brain race (which was started by the Manhattan Project, and ended the arms race).

But that's another worry. That last era of thinking was ended by a war that involved very nearly a third of the geo-political globe. The dark ages were ended in lots of small areas (only a couple of continents). If you continue this progression into the past, you plot a near-linear shrink in size of the effect of every (r)evolution. Plot it into the future, and you end up with a rise that quickly encompases every living being on the planet. No neutrality. Many bystanders (innocent, disintristed or other.)

Arg! I keep doing this to myself. I cannot carry the wieght of the world because I should not. And I should not because I have no ability to affect all of it. That's where the idea of "If you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it" comes to rescue my sanity. Or what tatters that remain of it.

Waiting. That's the thing. I'm going to wait until I can sneak myself over to a lever on a fulcrum that would let me move the world. And if I'm smart I'll leave an opening so I can get back to it, to do it right after I messed up the first time. (Failure is something you can count on. It's success that can catch you unawares. But one must plan even for those remote possibilties, no matter how unlikely they are.)