first day on the job at the hospital. it's been 5 months and two resignations (refused) since i last saw their damn faces. and still i'm charged as only a loaded barrel could be. those damned faces. i'm meek as a mouse for 9 months and i don't get paid; now that i'm giving em the heat i get my salary? damn those faces. trouble-maker they want, trouble-maker they'll get. those damned faces. i was telling a brit friend about it and seeing the reaction on his face was enough to nudge me out of my complacency. 100 hour weeks i put in and thought i was doing it for the love of god, maybe expecting some appreciation, but no!. those damned faces. if there was one thing that it all boils down to ever since i graduated from that cursed college it would be this: exploitation. and they tell me to be patient, be patient, those damned faces. who gets all the heat? who stays up the whole night? who wants to at least keep a semblance of a conscience intact? is not sufficient how cheap we've come to value life? it all starts this way: you tolerate their abuse of your fundamental rights and the next minute you'll be abusing those who look to you to safeguard their own. those damned, damned, faces. i sell myself short and now i foot the balance. i'll be late today, i'll glare at their faces, i'll pore over every fault, i'll poke into every embarrassment, i'll rattle every screw-up, i will make them wish they had accepted my resignation and i'll throw it in their damned faces and be done with them forever.
Some Time in the Evening
A crossection of Egyptian bureaucracy: All I want is a simple piece of paper stating that I was present at work today. Three hours later and it's not done yet: no-one wants to shoulder the responsibility so they send me on a trip around all the major offices in the building. I could have guessed it would be akin to getting a signed confession from the boss that he's a pedophile or something. So I miss the appointment with my lawyer a second time, I get no work done, and the prospect that this will be repeated tomorrow drives me nuts.
I have my masters exams next week. I have no idea how I'll cope with that plus 24 hour shifts plus the bloody lawsuit. I tell you, every hour of every day I am more determined to leave this country and erase the memories of the 10 years i've spent here. what a waste.
Update: 25 Feb 2002.
Still trying to resign! Court hearing scheduled for 6 April. Little worried they may revoke my licence to practice (for skipping work!). Akh! They are in deep shit. Told my lawyer I want to sue the boss as soon as this trial is over, for not accepting my 10-odd resignation requests and wasting my bloody time!.