where has love gone? can i love again? it's been three years without a significant other. things just seem infinitely intricate, i just can't seem to disengage my judgement for a moment and plunge into the dark. what happenned three years ago seems like an axe that had fallen. i didnt know at the time it had fallen straight on my nape. so here i am in this whirlwind of work. i cant seem to re-concile, as a child would, my playground with my love. this is as rilke might have had it, i tried and failed. is this the desolation of adulthood, the wilderness of responsibility, the lot of the damned? at times i am frantic to escape the realization when i feel the cracks swelling. at times i am content to pet my dog in resignation ... and watch as my affection changes the lines of its face and the way it cocks its head to one side. i wonder will i ever love again.