i'm stressing, i really need to talk to someone, but not many of my friends share my time frame. arse. so i'm afraid you're gonna have to read my ventings! i was feeling really positive about drawing, producing work for my portfolio, i spoke to quite a few people the other night about sitting for me and everyone was up for it! (inc. myself for once...) so last night i thought that i should get started (not like me to be lazy) and get some practise in before i started back at my life drawing class.
suddenly it wasn't fun anymore. art had become work again. i tried to draw a self-portrait, and couldn't look myself in the eye! what the fuck! had my confidence/esteem dropped to an all time low??? i gave up for the night(early morning) after a few abortive sketches and went to bed hoping all would be well in the morn. mmmmmm...
slept horribly! dreams of failure and madness. I went to life drawing this evening, it was almost as bad! couldn't get my eye/arm/brain in sync, it was all bad! belinda didn't turn up, colouring my thoughts with worry, all i could think about was fucking up, i couldn't focus. what is going on!?! i remember my last term at art college now, the same thing is happening. fear of failure is paralysing me! fuck fuck fuck! this is it, my last stumbling block and i can't see my way over/round/through it! what do i do? how do i sort this out??? ('salright, i'm not expecting you to solve all my problems)
what's the industry standard solution to writer's block?
maybe i need to read some self help books