Will Stover was fighting the impulse to call enpointe. He didn’t want to appear too anxious, or any more pathetic than he already obviously was (trolling the internet for dates for godssake), but he had to admit: enpointe—who now had a real name, not to mention a beautiful voice—made him feel things. Specifically big sexy horny things leavened with laughs and philosophical musings and even more laughs, and then more sexy horny things.
Hard to believe that just over a year ago he’d sworn off women forever. Hard to believe that he couldn’t accept the divorce until his therapist got it through his head: he was ADDICTED to Laura. Hadn’t they broken up and gotten back together three times in the course of the thirty-year marriage? Hadn’t she CHANGED HER MIND the day before their first divorce became final, down in Mexico on Anthony’s last film? Wasn’t their makeup sex the best thing ever?
--Hi. My name is Will and I have none. Will power that is. I am a sexaholic.
And now he spent a lot of time talking to himself. After parking the car he went immediately to the kitchen and mixed himself a little green cocktail. He’d never been too good with vegetables and fruits, and this was no time to fall off the health wagon again.
He always made a little ritual out of reading the label on this expensive Whole Green Probiotic Food (Probiotic? What’s Probiotic? Is there Antibiotic Food? How do they come up with this stuff?), this Instant Food that Jack insists gives him the vigor of a 30-year-old. Will was not really interested in the comings and goings of 30-year-olds, but the vitamins, minerals, and sheer numbers of GRASSES OF THE WORLD that comprised his morning and evening tonic amazed him. Since Jack had given him a case of the stuff at the start of prep on REVOLUTION, he’d gone through a 16-ounce bottle every week.
Whole Leaf Barley Grass, Whole Leaf Wheat Grass, Nettle Leaf, Shavegrass (Horsetail), Alfalfa Leaf Juice, Dandelion Leaf Juice, Barley Grass Juice, Oat Grass Juice, Burdock Root, Broccoli Juice, Kale Juice, Spinach Juice, Parsley Juice—and those were just the JUICES! There was cactus, and spirulina and chlorella and then the Beneficial Organisms too. Probably the most comprehensive nutritional product ever created.
Well. All Will knew—as he stirred two heaping tablespoons of the stuff into a glass of water to chug right down—all he knew was the stuff made him want to fuck somebody. When you haven’t had erections for a while and then you suddenly do again, well, you tend to notice.
Bethany gave him a hard-on just talking on the phone. And if these pictures she’s posted are real? Nah, best not to appear too anxious tonight. Sunday comes soon enough. Besides, he noticed as he sat down in front of his computer, he had sixty new emails since he’d left the set.
The one true benefit of swearing off women (not forever it looks like it’s turning out), is that he got REVOLUTION fast-tracked so fast it was ridiculous. And the thing was: it was an old-fashioned MINI-SERIES! About the American Revolution no less. The networks hadn’t touched projects like that in twenty years! He and Jack had rolled right out of their little Vietnam flashback nightmare movie and right into REVOLUTION. It was like fate smiled on them and handed down a little bit of the old good karma for a change. Of course, he’d had to take a little bad to go with all of this good, but that was nothing to dwell on. God, Bethany looked beautiful in these pictures.
--No 50-year-old woman who’s lived a life of rock n roll can look that good can she? Naturally?
Yeah. Talking to himself. Damn spirulina-shavegrass-chlorella-nettle leaf-alfalfa frigging cocktail.
--And, oh man, she’s got legs! Thank you Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Buddha, look at those gams.
No matter how you cut it, legs were the deal-breaker for Will. Feet, ankles, knees, thighs and calves, not to mention the delicious munchy little flesh at the very top. Laura was a dancer. Every girlfriend he ever had was a dancer. HE had taken dance himself all four years of college. He was a fool for a woman’s legs. Addiction, yes, but what a way to go. Bethany said the magic words in their very first conversation:
--I used to be a dancer.
--Oh, nothing special. Just sixteen frickin’ years of ballet!
--Oh yeah. I was married to the barre.
--Yes. And all I have to show for it is these calves.
--Oh my oh my oh my….
--You know the really stupid thing?
--Yes. I mean no.
--Well, two—I mean THREE stupid things?
--I’m too tall and my breasts are too big. What was my mother thinking?!
So. Will was living in interesting times, no doubt about that.
--Lessee, he said to himself, clicking off emails. No. No. No. No. This can wait. No. No. Oh! Look!
FROM: enpointe it said.
Next: Email by Rodney Strong
Intruso, an occasionally New Age postmodern love story
- Her voice was shiny
- Timed Writing
- On Location
- In the Beginning was Rock n Roll
- Cell Phone Interruptus
- The Hooch
- Blackbirds at One O'Clock
- Probiotics and the Muse
- Email by Rodney Strong
- Dope and Flax Seed
- Free to a God Home
- Lemonade and Consequences