Mondays are never my favorites anyway, I forgot my
wallet on my desk when I went to
office cafeteria for lunch. So I started fiddling in my
pockets to find some change and when I took my hand out, I had a dime between my fingers and a hair was entangled around my hand. Long, dark,
brown. I feel my fingers running through her hair. She used to do that, hold my hand and run my fingers through her thick dense hair.
I couldn't buy my lunch ... not so much because I didn't have enough change as sudden lack of appetite. It's been going on for more than a month now, I'm spending the entire weekends in office just to keep my mind off her. But that doesn't help at all. I keep finding things that remind me of her.
An unused condom under the mattresses. Her coffee cup. Songs she used to like and hum when they played on radio. I've stopped listening to radio for some time now, I'll wait till the current songs phase out before I start again.
I keep finding her hair on the back seat of my car. I've got it vacuumed three times already since she left to get rid of her presence in it, but I still keep finding her. Her hair band in the glove compartment, her hair tucked around seats, her smell ... her smell all around it.
And I still find strands of her hair in bed. I look at them and pick them up ... I wish I had enough hatred or anger in me to throw them away. I just keep putting them in an envelope.
Someday I'll have enough courage to visit her. Then I'll talk to her for hours and tell her that I'm finally moving ahead with my life. I shave my beard off everyday now coz I still remember how she hates the evening on my face. I'm still holding on, I'm still number one ... and that I'm a little angry and annoyed over her leaving me alone in middle of nowhere so abruptly but I've forgiven her ... and I'll bury this envelope besides her ... and wave her goodbye.