I've been filled with an odd sadness as of late, more of a misplacement of feelings
, where I'm not sure how to feel and I'm on the verge of a feeling but it could be anything. It's a place I don't like to be because it feels strange to me and I feel like I'm left in the air and my wings were just cut
, but I haven't yet fallen.
I needed something to either pick me up or to throw me down, and to escape it I usually throw myself down
. That's better, at least, than being there hanging in the air.
But it didn't happen like that today. I felt I couldn't express myself
and so I went away into myself for a while and I tried to not think. And it frightened me, feeling that way. And then I came back and I sat on my chair with screws that come loose, and I logged onto e2. I was welcomed with a node a friend wrote for me
, and it made me cry. And it lifted me from the air and I wasn't left there anymore, and I don't know how to thank him, except to fill a space with words for him
. My mind doesn't feel so blocked anymore, my hands aren't clenching, and my feelings are no longer misplaced. And sometimes it's so good to know that you affect people, even in the slightest of ways, just to know I'm not alone
I give these words to you
and I hope that it's enough. Thank you.