I'd begun to be filled with it again, filled with myself, and I looked in the mirror and I saw my own reflection
. I peer into the mirror now and it's blurry and I can't make out my features. This isn't me, burried away without even my thoughts, and I wonder how I've returned
to this place after thinking I've escaped.
I'm not in love, so don't forget it. It's just a silly phase I'm going through.
I know how I've returned here and I can't imagine it's all bad. That I've focused myself on another person and neglected myself
and I somehow need to find a balance.
I'd like to see you, but then again, that doesn't mean you mean that much to me.
I've found it once and I can find it again, after all these years and I finally felt it was me together. I'm not really sure anybody is sure of what they're doing most of the time and so maybe it's a silly thing to even strive for. But I can't believe that
My knowing is burried beneath my hopes, and beneath my hopes is my knowing. I say I don't believe but deep down I do, and even deeper I know it's not true. And it just keeps going that way, and it never stops and I'm not so sure
it ever can.
I've decided one thing in the past week. That I'm not going to study Computer Science or anything like that. That I'm going to study what I want
to rather than what I always figured would be what I'd fall into.
And I'm going to say what I want, and I'm not going to pretend
I don't have feelings. Because this isn't me and I'm tired of breaking mirrors.