Sometimes I forget I am a girl. I'll look in the mirror and it stuns me now and then. It's mostly when I'm online that I think of myself as a guy. When I write I think of it from the view of a man. It's only when I'm actually walking that I'm aware that I'm not a guy and I can see the smoothness of my legs sticking out of my black skirt.

I don't know why. I don't know whether it's because I've always enjoyed the company of the male species more or that I've never understood chicks in general. I've often wished I were a guy. People would treat me differently then, I'd be listened to more easily. No matter what, men and women are different. We can fight for equal rights and whatever, but that's just the way it is. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I simply feel like I'm on the wrong side.

But I am a girl. I know it when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I could be wrong, perhaps guys get these irrational feelings, too. Maybe it hasn't got a damn thing to do with what gender you are. I hate that I have to give notice to things like clothes and make-up. I hate shopping. I hate chocolate. I hate diamonds, for god's sake. I don't wanna get married, I don't want children, I don't want a fucking house with a white picket fence. And every other woman I tell this to looks at me as if I were insane. What was it my aunt said? I told her I was going back to school and planning to move out of the city. "How can you do that?" she asked. What do you mean? "Without a partner, how can you do that?" What? She seriously could not conceive of the idea of me planning to never get married. That doesn't mean I'll be alone forever, though.

Sigh. I don't know. I'm just a girl, anyway.