3:06am. Awake and restless
. Not exactly restless, I just feel like I should be doing something. Gotta keep busy so I don't think too much. Thinking just leads to frustration, depression, anger, helplessness. Rarely anything good. I'm doing the things that should make me happy. I'm going back to high school, I haven't been slacking off, been getting things done. Then why do I feel so miserable?
Probably some subconscious way of trying to reach out. Trying to fill that gap.. that emptiness.
I imagine someone touching my face
. I close my eyes tightly and take in a deep breath. Or I look up at the sky. Why is that? People look up at the sky often when in blissful or sorrowful thoughts. As if speaking to some unnnamed god that I don't believe in. Or knowing others are looking at the sam sky and feeling comfort in knowing you're not alone in your loneliness
. Whatever that may mean. Or even just realizing how small you and your life is compared to the vastness. Maybe all of the above.
At least I feel again
. I'm more honest with myself these days. I'm not hiding as much, I'm not so afraid anymore
. Scared of different things, anyway. Like whether or not I'll have the strength to pull this off. I know I'm a strong person when it comes down to it. It's hard when you have little support.
My shoulders aren't so heavy anymore.
I'm impatient. I want him
to touch my face now.
rewind | forward