get to do an "It's my birthday!" daylog
It is my 18th birthday today.
I'm scared. Im an adult. I can be held fully accountable for all of my actions. I can now go to jail for some of the same stuff I got away with previously. I want to be a kid forever. Screw being responsible, making my own decisions, as a mature adult. Ahhhhhhh! I seriously can't even deal with the thoughts that come to mind when I say that.
Why can't I just run up and down the street with the neighborhood kids at twilight forever? Wear pigtails everyday,and be justified in dressing like a princess everyday because Im a little girl and thats what little girls do. I want to be the smartest math kid in school again, instead of stuggling to be average. I want my mommy to be here to make me soup and stawberry milk when I'm sick, instead of being 600 miles away. I want to go back to the day when I first got my license, and drove around just for fun blaring Ace of Base because I could. I want to go back and appreciate all the things my childhood gave me, because I honestly didn't at the time.
I tend to do this. I love swooning over the past. I live in the past. But now its time to live in the present. I can get whatever I want pierced. I can get into some clubs. I can buy porn, if I want. I am no longer "jailbait". I am finally old enough to be out on my own, even though I already have been for months. I can vote. I'm probably forgetting some things. But Im tired of looking at the positive side of things, not my job, and I have math to do.
Even on my birthday, duty calls. Oh, the vices of being a mathematician.....