It's funny how much things change, but how much they really stay the same.
For some reason I pulled out the "shit" box today. It mostly consists of stuff from my and Jesse's past relationship: old notes, pictures, etc. It has other things too, but he was the box's intent of origin. A particular note that caught my eye was one that was titled "this is the last note you will ever be receiving". I think it was written by Jesse about a year and a half ago from. It said that he got "shot down" by his friends for defending me that day, and he was tired of defending me because it was pointless. He was tired of getting crap from them because of me and he was tired of me anyway. He no longer wanted anything to do with me. I remember reading this letter when he gave it to me, and I couldnt breathe when I was finished. I thought I loved him so much, and the very thought that he would be out of my life forever truly broke my heart.
The part I found most amusing was when he said in the note "nothing short of a miracle will save you now". The reason that this is so amusing to me is because I just came from his house tonight. He never really did cut me out of his life. After all the pain he caused me, after the uncountable amount of times we tried to say good bye, I was still able to go over there and watch Finding Forrester and eat jelly bellys, nothing more. I dont feel like Im going to cry every time I look at him now. I really dont care now if I talk to him, and at one point I thought I loved him. And reading that note tonight, a year and a half later, didnt affect me at all.
Its funny how much feelings can change, but how a person can still remain in your life. Ive been through so much with Jesse, but I know if I ever need anyone I can call him. It gives me hope that anything can be overcome if a person means alot to you, because time really does heal all wounds.