This is the letter that I wrote to Him today. Nothing else I have done today has been worthwile.
Jesse,
Normally I would not write an email doing this, because I feel that important things should be discussed in person or at least on the phone. But since I doubt we'll be conversing in the flesh anytime soon, and you keep hanging up on me, I have no choice.
It hurt me very very much that you would accuse me of those things you did. You could not possibly know how it feels to feel so badly about yourself because someone tells you that you deserve nothing more. I seriously doubt that anyone has ever treated me like you did, and I hope to God that you will never do it to anyone else.
I cared about you very very much. I probably even loved you. Everytime that you would cry, I would cry. I thought we had something that could never go away, or at least would never turn ugly like this. I guess I was wrong. You got what you wanted from me, you used me to give you rides and head and support, I knew this but I didnt care because I thought that maybe someday you would realize how much you meant to me and would feel the same. I want to tell you that I probably cant forgive you for the things you said and accused me of, because you are so so wrong Jesse. But Im sure you could care less, because you think that I am garbage because you dont want to believe any different.
Regarding Jennifer, I got a very mean email from her. I know you both despise me. I wrote her back trying to be civil. I cant do any less. I dont want anyone to hurt because I am tired of hurting. I tried to call you so many times last night. You would not give me a second of your time, and I would give you as long as you needed. That made me very sad, I wanted to die, SERIOUSLY. But I couldnt, because I cant let you do that to me. I have to live life now hoping that I can be a better person because of all this, and hope that no one ever makes me feel as horribly as you did and do.
I hope that you get back together with her, if thats what you want. I know that you want her and not me so there is no point in me wanting anything either. Im sorry I took so long to realize that.
I am going to try to only remember the good things. LIke when you told me I was your beautiful girlfriend and stole your grandmas car to see ME. And the beach, and our wonderful summer. You got me through it and for all you've said and done lately I will never be grateful enough for that. I only ask you to remember those things too. Please dont think I am a horrible person, and that I am only capable of mean things. I would have done anything you asked and I know hurting you and trying to ruin your life and relationships were not something you wanted.
I know nothing I say to you will change your mind. I am writing this letter in hopes that maybe you will at least listen. Im sorry that I messed around with you all those times. Because of the way things are now, it wasnt worth it. I only ask you one thing now. Please dont try to make my life a living hell. Maybe someday you will realize that you were wrong about me and the things you think I did, but I am not planning on it. It would probably be too late by then anyway. Please dont say mean things to me or "throw" things at me or have your friends give me shit. If you ever cared about me, even though you say you didnt, and knew me, know that I cant deal with it anymore without being insane or depressed. So if those are the things you want for me, I guess have at it.
Good bye Jesse. I guess this is the last time I ever have contact with you in any way. Take care and have a nice life, I will never forget you and the things you did to help me.
Sincerely,
Ashley