I haven't written in a while because I was afraid to. I didn't want anyone to know my secrets, there are still some things that can never be found out by anyone. I am a bad person. I tried to break up a relationship and learned that I cannot control everything, that some things are not up to me. It didn't work, and I almost lost him as a friend. I went over there today to reconcile and I think it worked.

I'm actually friends with her, that dumb bitch co-worker of mine, his girlfriend who I despised three days ago. Well not really friends, I'm just ok with her and talk to her more than he does. He screwed up, so did I. We're trying to fix things and ourselves. I tried to talk some sense into her, I don't think it worked, some people only hear what they want to.

I wanted to push everyone away today, I'd like to sink into the sweet abyss of loneliness and be happy there. I wish that I didn't need anyone. Nothing worked out for me, I don't have what I want, or who I want. I need to accept this and I think I have. The thought of a state of normalcy intrigues me. Maybe it's best this way though.