I'm sitting here avoiding the essay. The essay, that if written halfway decently, could possibly get me into Stanford. It's supposed to be about a person that I would like to be for a period of time, fictional or non-fictional. I first thought about Newton, wish I could have invented calculus..Then I thought about Louis XIV, he ruled France for a good long time and got to build that pretty palace (Versailles). Why are all my choices men? Maybe I want to be one so I can avoid having to be with one. Maybe I should just write that I would be anyone than myself, because thats how I feel right now. Not feeling too good about life, but hey I'll get over it.

Nothing interesting happened today, this guy who is two years younger than me thinks I'm hot and thinks he has a chance with me. I get to meet him tomorrow, if he's cute maybe. I'm horribly shallow, I don't care, it's better than pretending to be in love.

I'm trying to restore a friendship with him and I don't know if it's going to work. It's too hard, being with him and not wanting him, I can't want him because he doesn't want me. He makes that quite clear. I don't understand him at all, maybe that's why I like him, something for me to figure out. I like that kind of stuff. Although it's not very easy to turn people into equations, I found this out the hard way.