There's this girl. I've known her maybe all last semester and this semester. She's really hot. Really, incredibly hot. I'm talking beautiful. As close to a ten as you get. Last semester we knew each other casually, you know, mutual friends, see each other at the bar, that sort of thing. I noticed that she was always sort of flirty with me. "No way," I thought, "this girl is amazingly hot and cool and has her shit all together there's no way she's flirting with me!" (Let me interject here that she's not one of those hootchies who flirts with every peice of meat in sight, like I said she's cool, her flirting is serious "I'm interested in you" flirting (ahhh.. hindsight(and that's foreshadowing)). So this carries on for sometime.

Fast forward to directly after Christmas break. My roommate comes back busting with news. This girls sister lives with his girlfriend in Boston and long story short, ever since she saw me sophomore year (yea three years ago) she's thought I was hot etc... On top of this, she thought I was an asshole because she said "hi" to me on the sidewalk one day and I ignored her. Holy Shit. I figure what probably happened (I don't remember) is that this amazingly hot girl said hi to me and my brain siezed up as it's prone to do in those sorts of situations, leaving me incapable of reply. So anyways, here I am knowing that this amazing cool, hot girl, a girl so perfect for me that I didn't even hope such a woman could exist likes me, and what do I do?


No, wait. Worse than nothing. After finding this out, I would see her around and my ability for thought, speech, movement, would power down. I would be paralyzed like the deer in the headlights. It happened every time I saw her. That's certainly not helping my asshole image, which she has already fought through to make advances!

End of January: Two of my roommates, this girl, and myself make the 6 hour drive to Boston and we all stay at her sisters house together for the weekend. This is what happens: I establish with her sister and her roomates and my roomates that I know she's all about me and I'm all about her (because despite my frequent brain failures, we have gotten to know each other, especially on the car ride), but she and I fail completely to make this known to each other. Like we're in third grade. I take full responsibility because I suck.

But that's not the end of it. Oh no. We come back from Boston both obviously knowing what's going on, but me and her (she really shy too) both unable to bring it into the open. We do lots of hanging out, go to a play together, go on a walk (me on a severly f*ed up ankle, wincing with each step). Lots of things like that. Sounds like we should be dating by now, huh?

It's been two months since then and things have hardly progressed. We hang out more, but I am a fucking hoser. Everytime I think about calling her or seeing her, I get scared shitless. And when I do see her, I can't think. I lose my wit. My humor, my strongest aspect, flies out the window. I can make anyone laugh. But around her I'm like a fucking deacon. "Oh, yes? What you say interests me." I'm thankful I have enough brain running to keep up a rudimentary conversation, or she'd think I was a fucking zombie.

Spring break, last week. We are sitting on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale. It's night, we're watching the clouds roll in with lightning and beauty. Probably the most romantic setting ever. I can't fucking talk. She says "What are you thinking about?" SETTING ME UP. All I have to do is scream "YOU I AM THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOU'RE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT AND I'M FUCKING SCARED AS SHIT TO TELL YOU AND I DON'T KNOW THE FUCK WHY GODAMMIT (pause for breath) YOU ARE THE MOST INCREDIBLE PERSON I'VE EVER MET (panting)" but what do I say? Some shit about how great vacation is. I suck ass. Big fat donkey ass.

Yep, scared of girls. Or something. Damn it feels good to throw that out there.