A day of surrealism

I am not really sure what happened yesterday, but reflection is in order. I awoke at about 5:54 AM, Pacific Standard Time to the lull. No that is not right I awoke to drone off an alarm clock. Now I say I awoke at about 5:54 AM because though my alarm went of at said time, I am not really sure if I was ever awake yesterday, but that is neither here nor there but rather a topic for further inquiry later.

I started my morning ritual, my painstaking process of forcing through a morning pee, shower, and brushing of the hair and teeth. The warm water of the shower startled me as always fooling my conciseness into the belief of being alert and ready for the day. Admittedly I don't feel that well this day, I had quite a bit to drink the night before and far less to eat in the previous twenty-four hours than the average twenty-one year old male should eat. Come to think of it I haven't been eating much lately, it isn't that I am not hungry I have just been too lazy to get to the store and do some shopping. But I digress, the previous nights drinking had good points, it presented the ever-gleeful liquid courage that we have all come to love.

You see, I think we all know I am just about the largest wanker there is when it comes to people of the opposite sex. Some say my timing is just off, but I think I just fully suck at the whole affair. However, as of recent events I have met a rather nice girl that I am actually impressed by at the moment. I took her out the other day and it was a fun date, at least in my mind's eye, but for some reason I can't get over the feeling I buggered it up nicely. I can't recall saying much interesting, I never once tried to hold her hand or anything like that, didn't go for a goodnight kiss or even peck on the check and I don't even think I complimented her once. Now I am probably being over bearing but I don't think I made one date like move the entire night.

So you see, the previous night led to opportunities. I was at some friends' apartment and the girl in question lives above them. She eventually came down to just hang out, and being slightly intoxicated as I was I tried to show more interest than the previous night. This, however, as all things had it's good and it's bad. I think any that know me would say that I am a … well I guess the word is fool, when I am drunk. I tend to spit when I talk, belch loudly, say things without much thought, just a regular ass. To be earnest, I attempted my best "I'm not drunk" stunt ever. I did try to show this girl that I am not just some guy whom she went on a date with, but someone who was actually interested in her. I will let you be the judge of how I did, and just give you the facts.

I sat close to her most the night, engaged in the ever-present banter and other such conversation. I did the arm around her thing, held her hand a little bit and once she was standing in front of me facing away so I did the whole arms around her sort of hugging from behind thing, you know what I am talking about. She was responsive that night, holding my hand back and giggling and the other common response type things, but as I am always the pessimist I think I acted to boy-friendish seeing how we have only gone out to dinner the one time.

That all being said, I still feel pretty shitty through out my shower. Not anywhere close to puck, but just past headache and I don't won't to be up right now feeling. I end up taking a longer than usually shower, the kind where you keep making the water hotter right up until you get out. Something about that helps me feel mildly better, I think two Aspirin and a beagle would have done the trick better.

Get dressed, do the hair, put on some deodorant and off to work I am. I am going in at 7 instead of 6 today, so I get to deal with the wonders of city traffic and I still feel like shit. All I can think about is going home so I can fall asleep on the couch and it is only 6:20 in the morning.

The drive to work was uneventful thankfully, and I end up just sitting in my car listening to the radio for about ten minutes before actually going into the office. I wouldn't want to give them anymore of my time than they already get, I can't stand my job. I get into my desk and log in to my computer. Right now my password at work is "qazxswedc" because I have to change it every sixty days and didn't feel like thinking of anything last time. Not really secure but at least it isn't "qwertyuiop" or "password".

Well, now that I am on my computer in I should log in to the server where all of our real work takes place, but instead I think I will waste a little time checking out the Internet, another daily work ritual. Check out, slashdot.org, bluesnews.com, slickdeals.net, and ilovebacon.com that kills a little time and takes the edge off of being at work. I am now ready to start work.

Work. Work is really a bad word for what I do. I read all my email from the last two days, I am only part time and don't come in every day. I have about thirty to forty new emails and half of them I just get because I am on twenty or so team lists. So I delete a good portion of the emails having only read two lines of it. The rest actually mean something. My boss is out for the next two days, so inevitably she has left an agenda of things for me to do over the course of the next sixteen work hours. Unfortunately everything on the list will only take me about three hours to complete. The rest of my time will be spent waiting at my desk for somebody to either call or email the helpdesk.

The previous fact is very important. You see in order to get through next two days of work there is no way that I can finish all this in the next three hours. If I do I will literally have nothing to do because nothing in California every breaks anymore. Everything that breaks resides in Maryland and due to the 3000+ miles of land between here and there it happens to be impossible for me to fix it. So unless I want to be utterly bored, I space out the work I do. So at any time you see me, I have probably only been doing work for the last 15 minutes if that. The rest is spent trying hard to act like I am doing something very important. Fortunately writing a long text document happens to look important to most people.

The day goes by easily enough, a few things actually needed my attention and I almost feel like my being there that day was beneficial for the company. I was more than a "just in case" man today. The drive home is where the day really starts to take a turn to abnormal. My drive consists of 19.7 miles of freeway and about .2 miles of street driving between home and work in either direction.

So I am on the freeway about 2 miles into my drive when I notice something odd. The battery gauge in my dashboard is doing a swing motion. Usually it sits right at 13 volts, but right now it is swinging between 14 and 16. I am now keeping a close eye on that gauge. I roll up the windows to listen to the engine better and I notice that rather than the battery gauge dropping as it should when you pull a load from the electrical system it actually swings up a bit. As I let go of the window switch it jumps to eighteen volts and then comes back down to do it's little swing at 14 volts. Umm, okay that was a bit weird and being the ever inquisitive person I am I want to see it happen again. This time I hold down all four window switches at once and the oddest thing ever happens, my tachometer goes up to full, that's 7000 rpm reading. But my engine hasn't increased in actual rpm, I can tell because it would be about to blow up at 7000 rpm considering I redline at 5000 rpm and rarely take over 3000 rpm any more.

Now I am a little worried that the electric system in my car is about to catch fire and really want nothing more than to just get home. I get home without incident and the first thing I do is pop the hood. I turn off the ignition and get out of the car. I look at the car and my alarm starts going off, but in a quiet weird way. I try to turn it off but my remote control isn't doing anything. I get in the car to start the car again and when I turn the key nothing happens. But it is the wrong kind of nothing, you see my door is still open and right now the open door chime should be chiming and the interior light should be on, but it isn't. The power is completely cut from my car, I get out and look at the battery and alternator again. Frustrated I shut my hood and all of a sudden the alarm goes off full blast now which means I have power again. I start my car back up and expecting to see the swinging battery gauge it just sits right where it should.

That is all just too weird. But, if it ain't broke don't fix it. I am going inside to relax in front of the make me stupid and lazy tube, also known as a TV with satellite connection. I fall asleep. The phone rings and I rush up to get it, but it stops after just one ring. Only thing is that I am so groggy I can't remember if it actually rang or if I just dreamed that it rang. I fall back asleep with the phone next to me. The phone rings again and this time I pick up to hear Kyle on the other end letting me know how he got to his car just in time to avoid a ticket. That is all he had to say and he has to go to work, he will talk to me later he says. I fall back asleep. The phone rings again, please note on the average day the phone in my house might ring twice, now it has rang three times in thirty minutes this is ridiculous. It is Billy, he can tell I have been sleeping and apologizes for waking me. No problem, he is now telling me how he cleaned up his closet and as two three-foot stacks of video games and wanted to know if Zach or I would like any. Umm, I will let Zach know, thanks Billy. Back to sleep I go but this time in my bed, the couch is getting hot and sticky a serious disadvantage to pleather.

I sleep well for the next three and a half-hours in my bed. I awake to the phone once again ringing. This time it is Jason. He tells me he hears I am macking it. Funny though, because I am the farthest thing from a mac. He wants to do something, he always wants to do something but like all of us never knows what this thing is that he wants to do. He is talking about going to Dave and Busters, sounds fun enough and I am nice and rested. My roommate says something about me getting mono because I am always sleeping.

Wait, I do have sore throat and appetite has been off. Jason says I should get tested. I call Conrad for advice. He has had mono. He says it sounds about like how his went except I am not really tired if I am out doing something. He said he was always tired. I should get tested but it will have to wait for Monday to the least, I have no time. I joke with Zach that he should drive because my car will die on us. But I still drive because I want to see if it acts funny again. Necessity is the mother of all fuck-ups and I need to know if my car is going to be reliable to get me to work tomorrow.

We get to Jason's and shoot the shit for a bit. He asks me about my previous date that has been explained in all the detail needed for this and we prepare to leave. But wait, Jason can't go anywhere his sort of kind of girl, no just girl that he goes on dates with sometimes is coming over. This is a common occurrence in our circle of friends. We make one plan but really it is more of a back up plan, like sure I'll do this with you I have nothing better to do. But, something better comes along and we want to do that. Having already made the previous plans we feel obligated and aren't big enough assholes to break plans so we end up doing the backup plan. Usually we have fun anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference. But still is odd how often it happens.

The night rolls by quickly and it is about time for us to leave. We are going to go get Posta for dinner, and if Posta must be explained to you than you probably shouldn't be reading this. I use my keyless entry to open my car doors, Zach and I both get in buckle up, I turn the key to the ignition, and it all goes black. But it is the wrong kind of black, the radio should still be on and now the alarm is going off but very quietly. My car is possessed. I am right out in front of Jason's house but I am lazy and have free minutes so I call him on his cell phone and tell him to come look at my fuct up car. He comes right out, he can't resist looking at a problem and trying to fix it anymore than I can.

We pop the hood, look at all the electrical wires and alternator again. Everything looks fine, so we start with the speculation. It seems alarm related but no alarm would turn off the power to itself that is just stupid. One of the battery cables is new, did I mess up when I made it, no it looks good. Just the way it should be. We get the bright idea to test if the battery is dead, it better not be it is brand new, by connecting jumper cables and then touching them together to make some sparks. This fails, the battery is dead. That is impossible though, I mean the lights came on strong and then just turned off. It can't be the battery. I try the spark test again, this time while putting on the positive cable the battery sparks, except the positive cable is the only one touching and it is impossible to spark if you aren't touching something else. What is going on, now my lights on my car are on too and the car even starts up fine. But wait, when I started the car my Zach and Jason both jump and say they saw sparks from under the hood. That shouldn't happen. I look for myself but see nothing, I have Jason turn off the motor and start it again so I can see, but the power dies again.

What the hell, I am an intelligent guy that actually knows a little about cars and this is making no sense. I try the spark test while Jason goes in to get a screwdriver and crescent wrench. Now I notice that I am actually arcing between the top of the positive terminal and the left side of the battery cable connector. The cable isn't making a connection. That is the problem, so I disconnect the cable and clean the terminal and the connector and reconnect them and it works just like a car should. The only problem is that never looked dirty enough to have prevented a connecting only some of the time. It is all too weird but Zach and I are hungry and still want Posta, besides Jason has better things to do than sit outside scratching his head. There is a girl in his house.

Confused, stumped, tired, lost, I am all of these. The drive to Posta doesn't even seem real. What is going on today, nothing seemed like it should have happened and I am not even sure about anything from the day's events anymore. Had I woke up the next moment it wouldn't even have surprised me. In fact as I write this at 11:56 am the next morning, I am still waiting to awake from my dream to find my self in my bed wearing a pair of gray shorts and hearing the phone ring. That is what would make the most sense. Last night was surreal, I was crawling through life experiencing it as I never have before. It was like I was watching someone else's life last night and it really tripped me out.

I have never felt that way before; not drunk, not high, never. Am I going insane? What if every day is experienced as it was last night? Will I be able to function? I have never been so confused as last night and I feel that reflection is in order.

Today seems normal so far. Everything is as it should be, car acted normal the entire drive into work. Phone hasn't started ringing yet, but then again I havn't started my drive home yet. I don't feel tired at work, I probably don't have mono but rather am just a product of a society that encourages laziness. I mean part of my job is figuring out ways to get a machine to do a job that usually requires a person. I help develop ways to make it easier for society to be lazy, wouldn't you expect the laziness to have rubbed off on me.

Maybe the day wouldn't have been so out of place had I not been so tired earlier. Maybe all I need is more energy and activity. Less couch more running, lifting, and sports. So three hours and twelve pages later I leave you this, I need to get out more and the first thing I am going to do when I get home is see what new movies I have on Pay-Per-View. After all, it's Friday.