quixotic

I am paradoxical and quixotical. I feel bad when I am "good" and I feel good when I am "bad". I have a feeling I'm not alone. I am rather obsessed at the moment with this idea of the universe being paradoxical in nature (see Tom Robbins). Perhaps this comes from our obsession with needing to choose sides and therefore rebuking, in effect, one half of all experience. Does this not make sense? Perhaps you haven't thought enough. Perhaps I think too much. I used to think being smart was blessing....unfortunately, and to my chagrin, it turns out most people don't really want you to be smart and as a result of being smart, most people's behavior ends up making you think what a silly creature we humans are. I don't even know why I'm bothering to type all this. :) At the core, I remain an optimist however, and am continuing my patient devotion to the happiness which I feel is inevitable for me. How ya like me now? What, you don't care? Awwwww, come on.