but my big secret
gonna hover over your life
gonna keep you reaching
when I'm gone like yesterday
when I'm high like heaven
when I'm strong like music
'cuz I'm slow like honey, and
heavy with mood
I can't believe I'm listening to Fiona Apple. And I can't believe that I'm thinking about him while I'm listening to it.
I thought that I was over certain things, but I'm not. I thought I had grown up, but I haven't. Maybe this is one of those things that people don't grow out of.
There is no good depression. It's not sexy. It's not fun. It's not the new rock and roll.
It's not depression exactly, there's not a word for it. Emptiness, ennui, boredom-- there are many words that come close but not quite. When I'm not this way, I think that it's stupid. I should be able to control my thoughts...Control your conditioned response!.
Last year was such a good year for me, my moodiness at an all time low. All of the friends that I made are not used to me like this, so I just don't talk about it. Everytime I reach out in the slightest to anyone, they are no help at all. I don't know if they're just inequipped to handle this or if they just don't care.
So of course I assume the latter.
I just want someone who even if they don't understand what I'm going through, if they are inadequetly equipped to deal with me, they still care enough to try. That's all that I need.