I figured out why I never do anything alone today. People keep me from my melancholy.
It's closing around me now.
I mourn for the world.
There's so much pain and I feel that pain. Someone is dying right now, someone is being tortured, someone else is being killed. People are so horrible to each other. I can feel them.

Someone else is loving right now, wrapped up in a delicious ecstasy that I have never known. Something that makes me happy and jealous at the same time.

The lights are so beautiful. I think this as I almost crash my car. So hypnotic...the roads are outlined, they are streams of glittering lights. Everything around me glows with beauty. I yearn for it. It makes me cry.

Everything is a dichotomy. Humans are both beautiful and terrible. Glittering cities are so beautiful but horror lies underneath and all around. You can see the beauty only or the horror only. I see both at the same time and feel hollow.