I feel the need to correct mblase on a couple of points.*** Particularly because my first time was shockingly similar to reikigirl's, the only real exception being that I was using the boy.

Firstly, let's discuss passion. Though our higher selves are always in control of our bodies, there are instances where we see no need to refuse ourselves our physical desires. Like sex. Having sex on the first date does not doom the relationship, any more than it secures its long and fruitful future. And sex is rape when one party says stop and the other party doesn't. Otherwise, it may be consensual with misgivings, but it is consensual nonetheless.

Secondly, realism. Of course there's a chance he just wanted sex. There's always that chance.. When a boy offers to buy you a drink, when he invites you to come home with him, when you exchange glances in the supermarket checkout line. It's always a possibility that anyone only wants sex from you. But again, it's your choice: wait until you know for sure they want more, or have sex as soon as your body is ready and be willing to deal with the possible eventuality that they really were only after one thing.

Third, strategy. I'm glad, personally, that I didn't lose my virginity with someone I loved. Because it's akward and confusing and, for some women, incredibly painful. It took me an entire summer to let him do more than put it in before I didn't demand he pull it right back out. And this may sound silly, particularly since he was a virgin, too, but I hated him for it. Hated him for not simply knowing how to use this equipment he had and I didn't (though in truth, it wasn't his fault - he was just big). I broke up with him less than a month after the event.

Losing your virginity is not a fun and easy thing, except in the cases of a very small percentage of the population. A lot of boys find it just as off-putting as girls, I'm told. Maybe it's because we build it up so much - sex! - this wonderful thing that people have killed and died and paid for. And then we get there, that night that makes us adults in one more way, and it's messy and not necessarily sexy and we're nervous and our hands fumble and we think, This? This is all? or, as reikigirl put it, This is what we depend on for the survival of the species?

I say the first time follows a completely different set of rules than any other sexual experience in your life, and you have the right to approach it however works best for you.

*** After-the-fact caveat: I have no idea what this was a response to. Sorry. Whatever it was has been expunged. I could make something up... ? I suspect that someone said that if you're not 100% gung ho rending your undergarments ready to have sex, it's rape. Then again, it also sounds like someone mentioned the old "why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free". Make your own argument, apply mine to it, and tell me who wins.