I've been psychoanalysing my friend Claire based on the fact that since watching Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves last week, she's been having frightening nightmares. She texted me on Sunday lunchtime to tell me this, so it must be preying on her mind. Either that, or she was trying to freak me out.

I'm studying Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment (excellent book, buy it now) about the important role fairy tales play in children's development, and I've been trying to find the significant features of Snow White and see how they might relate to Claire.

Well, obviously, the story is a classic tale of Oedipal relations, how the mother (wicked stepmother and mother are pretty equivalent; stepmother is used to represent the evil side of the mother and of adults in general) the mother is jealous of the daughter's good looks and blossoming sexual maturity, and tries to have her killed or kill her. Apparently one interesting fact about the story is that it presents the mother's point of view much more than most stories.

The other side of the tale is how Snow White is able to escape the family, and in particular the competition with her mother for her father's love, and transfer this love from her father so she can relate to new male figures: firstly the dwarves who're nice to her but not very fuckable, and then the handsome prince who rescues her and carries her off into adult life, sexual bliss and castles.

Not having finished the book or undertaken years of training into psychology and psychoanalysis, my conclusions cannot be certain, but I deduce that Claire (1) needs to to tell her mother to fuck off and mind her own business, and (2) needs a boyfriend. That is so profound.

Once again Jen proves herself wonderful, by actually replying to a questionnaire I sent her. I've learnt that her favourite animals are fish; her ideal man is like this: "Confidence, if they are interesting and exciting, tall, well built not too skinny, not stupid, fun". I guess I'm not stupid, but I'm screwed on the rest (or, ahem, not getting screwed). Oh well, not that I really fancy her. She also once cheated on a boyfriend, but regrets it; but I knew that; the whole of West Edinburgh knew that. And she lied about her grade in French to get a job, but decided she didn't want the job. Oh, I have the power.

So I sent it to Claire, who only ever answers questionnaires if every question is about oboes. She plays the oboe, occasionally at work I believe, but only when she thinks everyone has gone home. I'm still waiting. Jen told me she last had sex 2 or 3 months ago; the figure for Claire would be interesting, except I know she wouldn't say, because it would either reveal her to be an asexual churchgoing virgin or a naughty person. Not that I would tell my time either; I can't count that high or remember that far back; in any case it depends what you mean by sex.

One last point is intriguing, though: Jen associates purple with sexual frustration, but says it's one of her favourite colours. So does this mean if she's wearing purple she's dying for a fuck?