Tuesdays with Alexander

Recently I've been receiving computer training for my job at a prestigeous ivy league university that I don't personally think I am smart enough to be affiliated with.

Then again, I always go into a situation like this being greatly in awe by an organization, a school or a workplace and after a good 2-3 months of being there quickly realize that everybody there is just about as dumb as everybody everywhere, which makes me feel even dumber because I keep thinking this is not going to happen but it always does.


I have to train with a guy name Alex -- he's originally from Russia, and he doesn't quite have a good command of the english language. I'm not mocking this, but what tends to happen when someone has little command of the language you are both speaking, is that you get straight to the point because there really isn't room to embellish unless you want to pause a whole lot.

Anyway, here's a conversation that recently occurred between us just this past week... it's not word for word, but it's close.

(We are sitting on a park bench eating lunch. Two attractive girls pass by, Alex kind of leers at them enough that they might notice he's looking at them. I tend to try to not do that, not out of politeness, but because I'm a big pansy loser.)

Alex: What kind girl you like?

Jay : Uhhmm... I don't know really.

Alex : I mean, what you look for?

Jay : Well, I like smart girls.

Alex: (a little frazzled at this point because I don't seem to be understanding what he's getting at) I mean, what you like? Boobs? (Makes internation motion for boobs) Butt? Legs?

(I have a brief flashback of a ZZTop Video here, but it's not really part of the conversation because it's in my mind. Leg warmers... Jesus christ what were people thinking? Leg warmers do not make my tube snake boogie. Wow, that was base, but it's okay because it was a bad pun.)

Jay: I like when girls possess all of those things, yes. Actually, my dream girl would have one brown eye and one green eye, be about 5'7 and have a very slight limp.

Alex: Hmm.

- FIN -