Ok, after you read this dream log...you might ask yourself, "Where the fuck did this dream come from?". Honestly, I DONT KNOW. All I know is I had a dream with a very concrete plot, it could even be made into a hollywood screenplay (or may be an episode of Buffy, if so...i want a cameo!)...and I call it...


Further more, please excuse all the poor diction that this dream log includes, I wrote it as soon as I woke up, and am still kinda groggy

My dream starts out with me in a desk in the back of a dully lit, dust filled classroom. Aparently, I'm here for the orientation before I leave on a luxury cruise(I don't recall the name of the cruise line, i don't think it was Argyssy or Disney cruise lines or any shit like that). Well, the classroom is, for the most part, filled with people of the same pursuasian as me (young kids in their late teens). At the head of the class is a slick lookin' bastard with black hair who, believe it or not, is the antagonist for my dream. You'll find out why soon enough. I don't remember the details, but he pretty much started out brow-beating and screaming at everyone. All the while, I just sat there quietly, in one of those classroom positions where you look like you're about to fall asleep. So anyways, he eventually comes upon and takes a whack at me. At that point, I stood up and started screaming back at him. He did nothing but walk away. It went on like this for a long time, with him saying things and me standing up and screaming my piece of at him. I could tell something was very wrong here, because he saying very bad things about what our future entailed, and no one around me seemed concerned in the least. They must be hypnotized or some shit!, I thought to myself. To proof my point, the slick guy(whose name I never learned), says, "Alright everyone, it's time to pray(imagine that!)". So the slick guy walks over to a radio, puts on cannibal corpse! He then leaves the room and returns with a blind & and deaf nun! She sits there and reads off some psalms, and I stand up and scream, "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! He's playing cannibal corpse to christian prayers!"(for those of you who don't know, Cannibal Corpse is an infamous death metal band, most noted for their various songs about rape and ... you guessed it ... cannibalism). Well, low and behold, no even blinked! They were hypnotized, and I was sure of it!

Enter me, riding in a customized mini-van, a view of the beach and a bohemoth cruise liner on the horizon. I recall thinking, I've only seen a larger ship once in my life. So we hit the beach and I'm walking towards the catwalk to the cruise liner, when I see my friend Ned lounging on the beach with his mormon compatriots (don't ask, its a long story). I say hello to him and we move along, yadda yadda yadda. At this point everything gets kind of hazy and the plot disintegrates momentarilly.

It's late at night and it's party time, I'm currently staring at a cruise-liner brochure, which ironically, is filled with adverts for various on-board strippers! Not to say that's bad, they were all very attractive strippers, class-A hookers to say the least. I decide to go wander the ship, and end up in some "deserted" quarter of the ship, which looks disturbingly like something out of a ghost-ship type pirate movie. So I go and find a map of the ship and what catches my eye is the directions to the "built-in lake". At this point, I wonder "Why would someone go on a cruise jump to swim in an artificial pool". Beats me. So, next stop on our journey, was up top, where the REAL party was at. And let me tell you, it was a hardcore party, full of chi-chi classy uptown types and the Slick Guy, greasy bastard. I wander up a flight of stairs and am standing on a deck, with all the assholes who I saw earlier in the classroom, greasy dickhead included. Currently, he's playing pool with a bunch of sluts, and I think it wise to, dig this, steal all his pool balls! So I run up and on his pool table and do it, on my way out noticing another flight of stairs leading, A sign above the flight of stairs is there, in strange symbols I cannot comprehend. Another thing I notice is one of the Slick Guy's sluts has one of those Sony Handcam thingies, and I decide to come back later and mug her for it. So I'm running off with the Slick Guy's pool balls, I run down to the steerage(common people's quarters), and find a random chest to hide the pool balls in. Oddly, somewhere along the way, I came into possession of a large, white bowling ball. Don't ask me why, but i knew it was of utmost importance to keep the bowling ball from them. So anyways, I run back up to the deck and rip that sony hand-cam out of the bitch's hands and run away laughing wickedly(don't ask why). I go back down below, and I know that the Slick Guy and his minions are searching for me. I eventually come upon two friends of mine, Sean and Ethan, and tell them I need to hide out somewhere for a few. Sean lifts back a curtain that leads into someone's quarters and we go inside, I immediately collapse and someone's bed (a futon on the floors covered with pillows), start looking through the eyepiece of the sony hand-cam to see whats recorded. At first, I rewind it, and only see non-incriminating innnocent shit. But then I fast-forward and hit paydirt. The view through the camera shows the stairs with weird symbols I had mentioned earlier, only now the symbols were legible, and, here's the big surpise, they said "Vampires Only"! I'm not joking! So the camera view goes up the stairs and shows a doorway, inside of which stand a bunch of bald guys with green skin and black capes, all crowded around some large white thing(I never put it together in the dream, but I think it may have been the white bowling ball I stole). At this point, I'm really freaked out, and I try to tell me friends Sean and Ethan about it, but they just kinda smile and say they believe and will help me however they can.

So I decide it's time to confront and face mister Slick Guy, who I've basically gathered is a vampire by now. A walk up to the top floor, all of my goods in hand (the hand-cam, the bowling ball and the pool balls). A sit down in a chair and make eye-contact with him, smiling politely. He walks up and acts real pissed off, so I hand him the pool balls and say, "Please don't hurt me, I'll do anything!" He takes the pool balls and his expression doesnt change. I give him the hand-cam and say, "Please don't hurt me!" His expression doesnt change, so then I hand him the bowling ball. He walks up to me and takes out a cigerette, and lights it. He then offers me a cigerette, and I refuse saying "No thank you, I quit smoking" (which I really did). He smiles just a little and picks me up by the shirt collar and throws me on the ground. He then takes his lit cigerettes and begins burning holes in my shirt, then my chest. He does this forever, tracing out pattern on my shirt and burning them out. The weirdest part was that he did all this very sensually, like I was submissive lover or something. It was very forboding. At this point, someone runs up on me and rips my jeans off! (no, this isnt gonna turn into a porn) So he goes and holds me up to the edge of the deck, and looking down I see its about a 15 ffoot drop until I land on the deck of the floor below (the loser party), he holds me roughly over the edge for a few moments, then throws me over, immediately turning away to tend to other business. Well I managed to hang onto the edge of the railing and I pull myself back up and onto the deck again, As i look around, I see him going down the lower floor. We make eye contact and he suddenly gets REALLY pissed off lookin, and hurls a large jug of water he was holding at the wall, where it explodes. I 'eek' and run towards the "Vampires Only" stairs, and see a very attractive woman, she thrusts a cigerette into my hand and says "Use this!", I look down at the cigerette and then at the quickly approaching Slick Guy and figure it out! Fire is what defeats these bastards! So then I run up to a guy standing next to the pretty lady and litterally scream, "GIVE ME A FUCKING LIGHTER RIGHT NOW!!!" he gives me two of em. One works well (zippo) and the other one works, but goes out after a second (one of those crappy 85 cent lighters). So i light my cigerette and take a few puffs, thinking If I have to start smoking again to kill this fucker, then so be it. So we're basically circling each other now, brandishing our cigerettes in our hands as weapons. I lunge forward many many times and jab him in the face with the cigerette, and I always get a visual response from him: he obviously doesnt like it. So we keep up with this for awhile until my cigerette runs low. I'm really in a desperate spot, I so i figure what the hell, and push Slick Guy over the edge of the deck and down to the floor below. I know he'll be back soon so I run up and some guy and scream "GIVE ME A FUCKING CIGERETTE NOW!!!" He gives me an entire pack! Great! I think, I'll be able to fight his ass for hours now! So now he comes back up the stairs, with a little alien guy (ala HR Geiger), except with red skin...and he's dressed in servant's dress, like Tatoo from fantasy island. He only stands about four feet tall. Slick Guy says "This is my friend, and now we're gonna kick your ass" or something to that effect. So the little alien guy smiles with a mouth full of sharp teeth and attacks me. I stab at him with my cigerette, but it doesnt work at all against him, must be his thick skin, I think to myself. So I reach into my pocket and pull out a writing pen, which I use to stab him in the neck multiple times. It works quite well, and I stand and face Slick Guy. He looks slightly disheartened. At this point a wake up. It's too bad, because I would've liked to see how this dream ends.