I didn't really have a lot of friends when I was growing up. It didn't really bother me, simply because I had never had any friends, so I didn't even know that I was missing anything. Looking back at it now, it does bother me. But I can't change the past. Moving on.....

I used to read a lot of books, it is one of the positive side effects of being alone. Although I did read a wide variety of subjects, there was one type of book that I kept coming back to. Those were the books that were told from a girls perspective, girl fiction if you will. Clan of the Cave Bear is the only one who's name I can even remember off hand, (although there is a book about a girl with white hair that sticks very strongly in my mind).

A funny thing would happen when I would read these books about these most wonderous girls, I would fall for them. I would fall madly for some girl who isn't even alive. Maybe it was because I never talked to any real girls back then. Or it could just be that these literary girlfriends were safer emotionally than a real girl could ever be. After all, how can someone break your heart, when they only exist as words on a page?

Soon I went off to high school. I put my books away. I began to meet real girls. I experienced love, pain, and all those hundred different little emotions in between. My taste in books moved from girl fiction to science fiction. "I used to be so silly" I though to myself. More years went by. The waters of time find me working behind the counter of a hotel. This is where the next part of this story begins.

I joined Everything2 as a way to pass the long hours at work. This period of my life has been a rather lonely one. There are not really any women in my life at all right now, (except for my roommate Tammy). So I begin to read the vast work that is E2. I begin to vote tag various people, almost at random. I met people in the chatterbox, I made friends, I made enemies. It is just like real life in a way. The next part is a little bit too much like real life.

I still remember the first time I saw her. "/msg pjd" she said blindly into the chatterbox. She repeated this several times. A few weeks later I am looking for someone to vote tag. I remember that "/msg pjd" in the chatterbox. For some reason it stood out to me. So I picked the lovely little girl who wanted so badly to "/msg pjd". I began reading her nodes. Before long I realized, it was happening again. I was falling madly for some girl who exists only in print. I really fell hard for her before I even truly realized that this would be different than my unrequited adolescent love for fictional characters. Somewhere, across a sea of cables and electrons, there was a real girl. A real live girl behind all of the wonderful things I was reading. Somewhere in the UK there is a lovely girl, perched on top of her bed with her Macintosh. That is the girl that I am falling for right now. A real girl, not some phantom of print.

Is she who I think she is? I hope so. Am I who she thinks I am? I hope so. What does the future hold? I don't know. I don't even really know how to end this node. So I am simply going to end it here.

For Lila