i feel so stupid
okay, here's a piece of advice. never get a dog
on impulse. see, i had a dog and he died just over a month ago. i figured i understand what the needs of a dog are and was ready to meet them. unfortunately i neglected to remember that my old
dog was just that. an old
, not very active
. the new dog, cozmo, is under a year old and looks like a mostly tibetan terrier mutt. he is about the same size as my old dog. he is cute
, absolutely cute
. but he's so active and i don't know if i can give him everything he needs as an active
dog. i live in an apartment
. i work more than 8 hours a day. i live close enough to walk him at lunch, but... he's still a puppy
, so he's being crated while i'm not there until he can be trusted to have run of the house while i'm gone. i know that's the right thing to do for any indoor dog being introduced to a new house, but i feel terrible about it. he'd be fabulous with kids but i am a single
, fairly unreliable
24 year old.
i want to cry
. i feel selfish
. this dog is wonderful and cute but he deserves to have a backyard
to run around in. i feel like i got him to patch a hole in my heart
left by danny's death
, but i didn't stop to think about what would be best for this dog. i also got him because i'm a sucker. i went to the pet store looking for kitty litter
and out of nowhere this dog comes bounding towards me. turns out the humane society
is there with pets for adoption
. i couldn't bear to leave him there.
i feel so stupid
. craig, you were right.
things may work out, and if they don't then my mother will take the dog in (which is a fabulous dog environment
). my neighbour mentioned that he was considering hiring someone to walk his dog
during the day -- living so close to home means i could do this for him during the week
in exchange for him walking my dog on saturdays and sunday mornings. if he is up for this barter
, then leaving home for a weekend
won't be such a big deal. i think i will leave a note on his door proposing this.
things will work out. for the best. for me. for cozmo. i will do everything i can for him, and if it seems as though that still isn't enough, i will take him to my mother
's, where there are woods, other dogs, plenty of room to run (far away from busy roads).
i just don't know. i feel so awful
. i got this little guy without solidly thinking it through. i'm still at the stage where i don't necessarily miss having a dog
, i miss having MY dog, danny. i just want to cry and cry.
on another note. it is now snowing. the last time i looked out my window it was bright and sunny. then i look out and i am expecting to see a funnel cloud
. it's dark
. dark dark
. and there are leaves just flying around and around in circles. then as i'm looking i see the precipitation roll in. to my surprise, at least part of it is snow. so i went downstairs and outside to have a smoke
. it's rain and snow
currently. the first of the season here (just outside Washington, DC
go home. make dinner
. feel like my cat hates me for bringing cozmo home. feel like i've estranged my boyfriend. i feel so sad but i don't see how i can feel so much over so little. i must be overreacting but even thinking logically about everything i just feel like curling into a little ball and crying. i miss danny. that's at the heart
of it. but once that wears off, do i really want to (can i logically) keep cozmo. i don't know.