it rained most of the weekend. not an exciting rain, either. just a dismal mist constantly falling.


we went out to dinner at the palm. craig ordered the biggest prime rib i've ever seen, and i got what must have been three chickens worth of blackened chicken breast. craig talked me out of a salad and into the calamari appetizer. the wine was good, a bottle of 1997 neibaum-coppola merlot. we skipped dessert, paid the valet and went home.


we woke up and made a long trek to maryland for a friend's graduation party, then back to my place. a friend of craig's called and invited us out for drinks and so we headed back down to virginia and eventually to a pool hall. i turned into super-ultra-mega-bitch and wanted to go home and eventually got my way. i was tired. then craig's roommate had "a few friends" over, but promised they wouldn't be "too loud". i woke up at 3 am thinking that there was a live concert going on in the living room. of course i took it out on my boyfriend, like any good girlfriend would.


after finally getting some sleep, we woke up and decided to head to BFE for a gun show. i joined the NRA finally. i've been meaning to for quite some time. i don't agree with all their politics, but i do want to help beef up their membership numbers. the more people join, the less it's perceived as a lunatic fringe. yes i'm a gun owner (ruger kp89). i enjoy the sport of target shooting and soon i will start on skeet. i also want to be a woman involved with the NRA to show that not all women are Rosie O'Donnell following chicken-heads. cluck cluck cluck.

after the gun show: grab some dinner, pick up some hard cider, and head off to visit craig's family. then back to my house and in bed early enough to wake up in time for work.


before my alarm went off i woke up to the sound of amazing thunder claps. i don't know how craig slept through it, but he did. i hopped in the shower, got dressed, headed to work and here i am. procrastinating again. i promised myself i'd actually buckle down and try to be a good employee this week, but i really feel like i've just lost hope in being happy with a technically oriented job. i need to snap my fingers and have millions of dollars so i can hike and fly and go and do. oh-that-sounds-like-fun-let's-go trips to wherever. whenever. between trips i'll stay at home and paint or go walking through local parks, or just whatever. hell, if necessary to sweeten the deal, i'll offer to be the perfect housewife. i'll learn how to cook and clean and do laundry and make martinis. and i promise not to get too fat.

what i've learned about working in the technology field is this: it's all about swinging penises (the plural of penis is penes, but it never quite looks right). i don't necessarily think the IT field is a mans game, but it does seem to be a big competition... highest salary, biggest office, most exclusive airline membership club (super ultra deluxe presidents elite red carpet club), who has the trendiest designers latest variation of tan pants, who can spend the most on ugly clunky shoes (i know men who own more shoes than any female i know), who has the latest and greatest sports car or SUV. yeah it's cool when you've got the nicest car in your circle of friends, but when next years model comes out, someone is invariably going to out-do you.

i live pretty modestly all in all. i haven't bought new clothes since i absolutely had to (last year when i lost a bunch of weight), i own two, maybe three pairs of shoes. my car is an almost-paid-off 1995 honda del sol. i live in a small apartment. sure, it'd be nice to have one of each high class super ultra elite everything (car, house, clothes, electronics, etc), but i can't really afford it, and even if i could i don't think i would actually BUY any of it. my car works, my clothes keep me warm, my roof doesn't leak, basic cable (which has all the educational tv i need) shows up fine on my 27" tele, and the laptop provided by my employer works fine (i don't own one of my own). but i still kinda feel like people think i'm a cro-magnon for not owning (and not wanting to own) a palm pilot and a palmtop computer, not having a super fast car, name brand clothes, a dvd player or a computer of my own.

craig tells me not to worry about it... that i'm being smart by planning for the future. he says most of his friends who live large and have one of everything are living so far beyond their means that it is discusting. perhaps this is true. but they still look at me like i'm a pauper. or quite possibly i'm just paranoid.