Welcome to my day. No, no, don't get up. Would you like some tea? I think we have some Earl Grey around here somewhere. It's nice in the rain.

What are these little bits of shiny white powder driftng slowly down around me? Well, I'll tell you.



Because I'm going to grind them down to NUBS.


WHY?! I'll tell you WHYYYYYYY....

Because it's 12:16 my time. Just after midnight. And in less than six hours I will have to get up, and pick out clothes that Have Not Touched Cat Hair, and take a shower, and throw clothes for the next day in a bag with a toothbrush and a book or something. And then I will have to drive to ass-fucking Santa Cruz.

And I will get there by nine, so that I can pick up my wretched ex-roommate. And take her to the fucking dentist to have I don't know teeth pulled and drilled and blown up or something.

And then I will go back to her apartment and trade her in for my ex-girlfriend. And then I, and she, and her younger brother, will drive for ever until we come to Garberville, a town the size of my ASS HOLE.

But that's fine. Except that in Garberville, we will go to her mother's house. And her mother is a scary control freak, with sudden mood shifts, a vicious pot addiction, and icy blue eyes. She can be very charming, which annoys me all the more.

But that's fine. Except that the drive is so long that we're spending the night. In the living room of the scary woman's very small house.

But that's fine. Except that the scary woman physically, emotionally, sexually, and ritually abused my ex, and it's creepy to be around her knowing that, especially in her house, especially knowing how triggered my ex will be around her, and especially knowing that that will probably trigger my own codependent need to fix her which will just make me mad.

But that's fine. Except that I just looked at the server time and realized that Friday (or Saturday, depending on how you celebrate it) is freaking Lammas. My first reaction was (as usual) "Oh damnit, I forgot. How am I going to come up with a way to celebrate another Pagan holy day on such short notice?" My second reaction was "Oh,CRAP."

Because I know that some of her fucked up asshole mother's ritual abuse crap happened on Pagan holidays, (as well as Easter and her birthday and whatnot else) and I know that this was one of them.

I REALLY don't want to do this.

And it's not that anything's Going to Happen; it's more, in fact, that it won't. That on top of all of this horror there will be this warped plastic face of Acting Like The Good Kid and Faking the Nuclear Family and Being Nice In Front of The Kid and the Friend, and that The Kid knows (probably) nothing about any of this and the ex will have to use all this denial to get through it - denial and it-wasn't-that-bad and nothing's-going-to-happen and what-are-you-talking-about?-she's-not-that-scary.

If I had realized what day it was when I was asked in the first place, I would have said no. But I should have said no anyway because I wanted to say no at the time. I wanted to believe that the drive would be shorter and we could just go back the same day. I wanted to say I would bring their brother back, so that he could visit for a week and be away from their mom. ARGH.