Days go by and still I think of you…
I have not been feeling well recently, it's stress. I have been very stressed out. Worried about school, worried about work, worried about my car, worried about friends of mine, worried about life.
It hit me again today, this morning actually, that caring this much isn't good. If I am making myself sick because I'm worried about life what kind of life is it? People say life is worth living, but stressed out like I have been I can honestly tell you it isn't.
So as I was saying this morning it hit me, I'M DYSFUNCTIONAL and then another thing hit me I DON’T WANT TO BE DYSFUNTIONAL. So I have realized that I am co-dependent, and I don't want to be anymore. I am better now. Honestly truthfully better. I am secure enough in my friendships to know that nothing will change the affection people hold toward me just because they are interested romantically in other people. And for the first time in a while, I am truly happy. Wonderfully happy, a lot of weight is finally off my shoulders.
As for being dysfunctional, well my goal is to no longer be codependent, no longer distrustful (so much), to believe people when they tell me things, to relax, to laugh, to not worry so much, to grow up. I have goals, if I'm not there yet it means I am still growing, still learning. If I cry now and then big deal… it isn't the end of the world, and "it hasn’t stopped the planet's turning".
This is my huge revelation of the day.
Quote from the movie Gattaca.