Demeter, although I'm still at that 18-year-old point, I know what it's like to have that "invincibility" crushed.

I had been with Rachel for six months when she died. She was a piano player. I was a drummer. We'd met at "The Governor's School For Excellence", a joke program that the state of Delaware runs every summer for kids going into their junior year of high school. Kids that show "immense promise" in their chosen field. Rachel was a phenomenal pianist.

At Governor's School we got really, really close. After that, we decided to stay together. Everything was great.

Then, October 18th, 1998, Rachel was hit by a girl in a blazer. Both Rachel and the other girl were driving home from school. The other girl simply didn't see the red light. Rachel was in the ICU for four days. Four days I sat there and ached. The first time I went in to see her, she was just out of surgery, and the sheets were soaked. Her whole body was bloody. They told me (apparently at the time, I don't remember. They told me again later), that her back, both legs, left arm, and neck were all broken. Her spleen had ruptured, and her intestines had had to be pulled out of her chest. She had a massive head trauma. It looked really bad. It was.

On October 21st, 1998, four days after the accident, Rachel was declared braindead. Her brain had swelled, and wasn't getting any oxygen. They pulled her from life support. That was the day before Homecoming. The next night, I was at the viewing, and the day after that, the funeral.

It wasn't till a year later I could go back to the grave. It was very strange. By that time I had been through the whole depression/suicidal tendencies/"I hate God" stage, and was pretty used to the idea. Or so I thought. Seeing a grave is like that. You think you've got control, and then it all comes flooding back.

In two days it will be two years since her death, and time for my annual visit. I'll let you all know how it goes.

"Long gone day, mmm, whoever said we wash away with the rain?" -Layne Staley

UPDATE- All is well. The visit went well. I was all alone, and it was actually very peaceful. I laid a rose and did all that stuff, and actually "talked" to her for a while, which I'm sure would've been very odd if anyone else had been there. As it was, it felt nice.