Somebody help me.

I'm finding that everything that I thought I knew about life, about love, about friendship, about what's important- may not be true. I'm learning that people are rarely what they seem, no matter how intuitive I am, or believe myself to be. I'm finding out that I'm not who I thought I was, and I'm hoping I can cut it in the "real" world. Whatever that means.

I can't sleep at night, then I fall asleep in class, come home, and crash. I eat maybe- maybe a meal a day, and spend all my money on cigarettes and alcohol. I've managed to get my work done, being that I'm up all night, but I'm wondering how much longer this can go on for. I'm falling the fuck apart. I miss the security of living at home. I miss the discipline, even, because as it is now, there's no one to kick my ass every now and then, and I'm sure as hell not taking care of that myself.

I'm not who I thought I was, and I'm starting to really not like the person I've become. I'm starting to hate me. All the feelings I hid from myself in the dark days of my life when my world fell apart and it seemed like everyone was dying are flooding back in, now that all the people who really know me are hundreds of miles away. I wake up crying. I never cry. Lately I just want out. Fuck it all. Let me roam for a year and find myself before I have to go through this. I'm not doing so well.

Somebody stop me, please.