The Industrial Revolution 1700-1900

The First Industrial Revolution: Textiles and Steam: 1712-1830

  • 1712: The Newcomen steam engine.
    (We Goin'? Transport closes shop)
  • 1733: John Kay invents the flying shuttle.
    (begins to think about starting a band named after his favorite book Steppenwolf)
  • 1764: James Hargreaves invents the spinning jenny.
    (Leads to Jenny discovering the need for Dramamine)
  • 1769: Richard Arkwright patents the water frame.
    ( The pictures keep falling out and getting wet)
  • 1769: James Watt patents a series of improvements on the Newcomen engine making it more efficient.
    (Watts zzahhup, new co Maaaaannn?)
  • 1779: Samuel Crompton perfects the spinning mule.
    (Now Jenny has something to ride when she travels and Dramamine sales double)
  • 1785: Edmund Cartwright patents a power loom.
    (It's a veritable Bonanza)
  • 1793: Eli Whitney patents the cotton gin.
    (A cheap drunk but it leaves you with a dry mouth and Martinis keep shrinking)
  • 1807: Robert Fulton begins steamboat service on the Hudson River.
    (Getting under those ships to rotate the rudders is a bitch.)
  • 1830: George Stephenson begins rail service between Liverpool and London.
    (Good chance The Beatles would have never met without this train service and history would have drastically changed. Good Job, George.)

The Spread of the Industrial Revolution: 1830-1875 (No It's not Hellmans.)

  • 1840: Samuel Cunard begins transatlantic steamship service.
    (thinks he might build the first unsinkable ship)
  • 1856: Henry Bessemer develops the Bessemer converter.
    (changes name to Harriet Bessemer)
  • 1859: The first commercial oil well is drilled in Pennsylvania.
    (Pennzoil Company is glad to have local supplier)
  • 1866: The Siemens brothers improve steelmaking by developing the open hearth furnace.
    (There's nothing like a hot Sieman Oven)

The Second Industrial Revolution: Electricity and Chemicals: 1875-1905

  • 1836: Samuel F. B. Morse invents the telegraph.
    (the first dotdash com)
  • 1866: Cyrus Field lays the first successful transatlantic cable.
    (Baby cable companies arrive on the market 9 months later)
  • 1876: Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone.
    (But also discovers he has no phone book so he doesn't know how to call anyone)
  • 1879: Thomas Edison invents the indandescent light bulb.
    (Would you turn that damn thing off and come to bed.- Mrs. Edison)
  • 1892: Rudolf Diesel patents the diesel engine.
    ( Virst ve invent de bi engine, den ve invent de sell engine.)
  • 1899: Guglielmo Marconi invents the wireless.
    (Upset competitors decide to counder with inventing WIRED)
  • 1903: The Wright Brothers make the first successful airplane flight.
    (Airline Insurance Companies are quick to follow suit.)