I over stayed my welcome
. I have to stop doing that. My welcome extended into the night until it was 3 in the morning. I was yawning, he was going to bed when I left. I put on my walkman
and take a deep breath of the draught-- dust and dead fish in the creek. I will walk along, and I will not think about the fact that I could smell him there in the room, I will not try to describe the smell, I will not think about the way he talked, I will not dwell on watching him type with his guitar on his lap.
I will not do these things, because they are stupid. Really.
Instead, I turn my thoughts to the last night I got really fucked up. I was in an apartment full of fucked up people.
There was this girl there. She had long dark hair and interesting eyes. Her face was round. Her smile was real and radiant. She looked like she was hispanic, or maybe Hawaiian, or maybe... is it racist to say I think people of mixed race are hot? That's probably one of those questions everyone answers differently, but what I liked about the way she looked was that she was impossible to place anywhere specific because she was totally unique.
At the apartment full of fucked up people, I mentioned I'd been to Germany. That caught her interest.
"You speak German?"
"Doch. Dass kann ich..."
"Oh my God, dass ist so geil, wo warst du in Deutschland?"
"In der nahe von Bremen habe ich gewohnt..."
The other fucked up people in the apartment started complaining because they couldn't handle the German while being on stuff. We didn't care, we talked about all sorts of shit in German. She was interesting. Enthusiastic. She was speaking German to me. She asked me if people in the area of Germany I'd lived in were racist, and I had to explain in english, partly because it was complicated and partly because I was picturing her naked. She listened respectfully to my German and my english on the subject of racist Germans, but I knew I couldn't be impressing her. When I was over there, they told me 'oh your accent is so good' and 'oh you picked up the language so fast,' and true or not, I've been in the States for 2 or 3 years now and my mouth can't get around the boxy vowels anymore, I sound like shit. Maybe it was my failure to impress her that did it, although probably not, but shortly after we stopped speaking German, she leaned over and kissed her boyfriend.
And that boy I won't think about as I walk to my bed, his girlfriend will call him first thing in the morning. She's amazing, and further more she doesn't need him to explain guitar tabs to her and she can tell the Ramones appart.
No one needs me much and no one is waiting up, and for that reason the night, in it's clammy quiet, is all mine.