Mosquitoes: A Study In Useless Evolution

When I was a good Lutheran boy, and my mother was a god-fearing, Lutheran sunday school teacher I asked her a question during class one day, "Mom, why are there mosquitoes? I mean, they aren't good for anything. They just make you itch."

"Because of original sin," was her reply. Continuing, "Eve gave Adam the apple and they both ate it, and because of that, evil came into the world."

"So," I followed up with a sincere heart, "If Adam and Eve never ate the apple, then there would be no mosquitoes?"

"Yes," confidence resonated in her voice.

And I was satisfied. The way I saw it, and the way she so faithfully told it, the devil was responsible for mosquitoes. And since the devil persuaded man into an existence of evil, I put mosquitoes as the henchman grandchild of the devil. And it was good.

I grew as children do, I learned as a sieve does, and I took classes and classes of drugs that changed me. The Buddha was a good man. Hindu Gods have heads of elephants and a million arms, but there is a reason for that. The devil is relative; there is good and bad in everything. And don't you know opposites couldn't even exist without the other.

Nothing changes the fact that mosquitoes are pure evil.

They suck blood, our life spring, and put in a poison for no particular reason except to make weak-willed humans scratch till the blood that belongs in veins flows on pale skin. Look at yellow fever; do I need say more?

Now, there are scientists, pacifists, Darwinists, and hordes of misguided Jainists that will toss up an argument here as to the benefit of said needle wielding insects. Spiders eat them, and a rat eats a spider, and then something else eats that, and so on. And so really truly mosquitoes are needed for you to devour your dinner. Fuck that. All life is equal, it is only our perception that acknowledges higher and lesser beings: so all species must in harmony? Fuck that. Mosquitoes are your genetic ancestors and not to mention the pollinators of some species of lime that fed the voyagers to our brave, bleesed, new world. And fuck that.

You, you, you mosquitoes have no place in my world. The only positive thing I may wish upon your soul is that you are reincarted as something that actually does one bit of noteworthy good in this universe. Till then, you and you alone are the only creature on this planet that is completely and totally useless, no matter what "good" you may do. You spread disease and make us itch. You give my sweet soft girlfriend welts that look like I rough her up a bit from time to time. My ankles are raw and I can't wear socks. Peace on your journey, but till then will you just become another number on the extinct species list.

And it was good.