"fond but not in love"

Radiohead buzzing in my skull.

He's like a detuned radio.

Subject: Artboy. Talks to himself whenever the words break out.

Observing pattern.
>Monday. Sitting on chair watching Dexter's Lab. Bird eats out of feeder. Seen through window, approx. 10 feet away.
>Tuesday. Sitting on chair watching Dexter's Lab. Bird eats out of feeder. Seen through window, approx. 10 feet away.

Is it the same bird?
Intersecting mathematical behavior realities.

Frequent short term memory failures. Unusual. Unknown reason. Sometimes I wish I'd use drugs so I'd have a tangible excuse for the way my brain malfunctions. Possible cause mental inactivity.

List of Things To Do Today:

Am noticing internet subcommunities. Tied loosely or closely together with links.

Close links.
Frequent linking to a site/person. Typically has some kind of direct verbal relationship with linked person.

Loose links.
Rare or singular linking to a site. Impersonal relationship. Mass communication.

Thoughts deviate in multiple branching paths train of thought and I lose the original path for a new one constantly is hard to think to a destination too many roads and I can't find my way back.

Am frustrated.

Need thought map. Intricate map. Anfractuous lanes and passages. Like Venice.

Venetian glass blowers. Heat. Glowing liquid sand. Colors. Shapes. Glasses ornaments sculpture fragile beautiful. Outside canals people boats sound of water stone little bridges puddles and that day it was an overcast sky. Regular small waves crashing against the tops of submerged stone stairs. Large stone bridges. On the large bridges are shops that have grown like fungi, clinging to the sides. Aggregation of random people flowing like blood platelets through the arterial bridges. Huge stone buildings but not in the same vein as skyscrapers. Old. To think this is where people have been. Centuries. Living pigeon clouds above me. Then later up high at their level. Look down at a medieval organization (no organization at all). Organic construction. Varied like a living thing.

And when you are self aware you are a tiny part of the universe aware of itself. Self aware matter and energy. When you learn about physics you are a tiny part of the universe attempting to understand itself.

And when you create you are the universe shaping itself to its desires.

God loves his children.

Plastic god loves plastic children in their plastic world

and you wonder why I don't want to live.