So, I've been taking my little blue fluoxetine hydrochloride pills every morning for 6 days. And now I'm jealous of all you people. The stuff isn't really supposed to kick in full strength for about 4 weeks, so I don't know if I'm just lucky and it's working really well and quickly for me, or the good old placebo effect, or what, but I feel amazing. I almost feel a kind of quiet joy, not because of the meds directly, but because I've realized that it's actually normal to not be afraid of talking to a salesperson in a store, or to be able to have a conversation with someone in a bar and not feel completely awkward and strange, or make eye contact with and smile at a pretty girl, or to not sit and stew in anxiety for hours on end every night. It's almost unbelievable to me that most people can do these things fine, without any help at all, like it was the most natural thing in the world to them.

I have started to notice some mild side effects. Sometimes I get a sort of odd floaty feeling and it's like all of my senses are turned up to 11. It is strange and a little disconcerting but not at all unpleasant. And some of those 'sexual side effects' are also cropping up. I don't really care, because I'm not having sex with anyone anyway, and in any case the side effects are nothing compared to the relief I feel. I still get into nasty thought patterns, but it seems much easier for me to break out of them now and continue on with my life. Before, I would get into one of those and let it eat me alive for days or weeks on end.

I'm also exercising regularly, which is probably helping. I used to run a lot in high school and college, but I never had enough time or energy after that. Most people still consider me skinny, but my stomach is noticeably not flat and that bothers the hell out of me. So maybe I can kill two birds with one stone and fight depression and get into shape at the same time. And probably feeling like I look good would help fight that off as well.

Going to see that psychiatrist was probably the best thing I've done for myself in a long time.