Sorry for the rant
, I just need a place to get it out.
As I sit here at 3 in the morning depressed and about to go out of my mind, I wonder why I'm so fucking depressed. I think it all started with my ex dumping me, and it wasn't over any normal reason or fight, it was over religion. Yes folks, just because I'm not a christian, she dumped me. How closed minded can a person get? christian. If she believes in God existing so much... why can she look past the fact that she doesn't have part of her leg, but not look past the fact I'm not a christian? I sure did, I didn't even think about her leg. Hell, I didn't care, I loved her too much to care about it. And what does she do? Dumps my ass for god.
That was last summer, we can fast forward to a week ago since all that time during then was spent depressed and going out on doomed from the start dates. I see my ex on campus, and it just starts off an emotional landslide in me that I can't stop and everytime I see a couple together or remember something we did, I just break down right there.
I just feel so lonely in the world right now. I just don't understand it. No matter what I try, I'm just not happy. I might cheer up when someone tells a joke or while I'm with my friends, but I always have something hanging on my mood to bring me back down when I stop having fun.
And I really don't want to go to the doctor... I hate doctors. Sure the drugs will help, but the psychologist sessions and other shit like that just won't help. Talking doesn't remove the hole from my sad soul, but I just don't know what will fill the hole that brings me down so far.
Why must I suffer like this, I have never caused suffering to another person this bad. I've always been nice and charming to people that deserve it. Yet I sit here alone in the dark wondering why I must exist on this planet that I have been put on.
All I can hope is that she is suffering just as much as me. Because she sure ruined my life up to this point and will continue until I can get over it.