My last day log/My next day log

gah! gah! gah!

Where I am it's about 2:50 p.m. right now

oh.... this anonymous honesty...

Only two more days of this job left. Thank god. If I worked here for two much longer, I would become even more horribly addicted to this place.
As usual, I'm not doing much at work. Except for fretting.

On Sunday I saw my ex-boyfriend, my first real relationship. The first time I'd seen him in... almost a year, and the first time I'd really talked to him since we broke up (for the second time), almost two years ago.
He drove to my house. We talked for a while. Smoked a joint, which was good because I was nervous. But also strange, because I don't think we'd ever done that together before.

Actually, the night was great. We talked about stuff I'd been meaning to bring up for too long. He had wanted to see me before I moved away, and I had wanted to see him too.

We tried to watch a movie, and failed. We got close again. He told me I smelled the same. He felt the same.

The body remembers.

I know it wouldn't work out between us if we were to try it again. He - I don't know if he knows that. Christ, we've already been down that road twice. I was the one who got hurt in both cases though.

He left a message for me yesterday, and I called him today. I just hung up with him. He's coming over tonight, and I'm nervous. I'm not sure if I'm getting in over my head.

What will I do tonight, before he gets to my house? Pace restlessly, nibble on snacks. Try and read. Try and figure out what I'm going to say to him, or whether I should say anything. Remember not to lose myself.