I don't remember the first time I saw him. Part of me feels ashamed that I do not remember that second, but can still feel this way.

He kissed me first more than a year ago. I have had my heart broken in different ways and on varied levels, but I have never once had such a lasting ache. I look back on that year and all I feel is the gravitational pull toward him.

He kisses me now, a year of longing in the past, and it feels as steady as I wished.

Before I was like yarn. I was no longer tight knit with naivity and he came into my life and with one kiss I started to unravel. A year of unravelling left me a mess. And when he came back into my life he did not realize what he had done. He looks at me peculiarly and says I'm strange, like I have a secret that he wants to figure out. He wants me to open up. He says I'm complicated, addictive.

He looks on the beautiful mess that has been waiting for him, that he has influenced the creation of.

I feel like I am being pulled from every direction. All my being orbits without any organization and the second he holds me it all comes together and I couldn't feel more at peace.

And I am afraid he is a liar.