I'm in Charlottesville, Virginia, usually sitting with my father as nature takes her final toll. I haven't had internet access since my last day log.

I found a gym that doesn't require membership for the cafe or massage and made an appointment for a massage but they are booked until Monday. Who knows what will be happening then but I booked it. I'm touch hungry; away from my family and don't even have a cat to pet. This cafe has 3 computers set up for public use. How wonderful! This place is called "ACAC" and looks great. If I lived here I'd join. I know about it because my step mother goes here and I've given her massage gift certificates before.

I'm in a hostile enviroinment most of the time here. I refuse to leave my dying father alone but the nurses are not too pleased with my "camping out" in his room. I don't think anyone helpless should be left alone in a hospital and you don't get anymore helpless than my poor old Dad (end stage Parkinsons, dementia, and can no longer swallow without aspirating). We have elected not to subject him to a feeding tube. He is 85 years old. We have hospice care and he is being kept comfortable. My being there makes a difference. Staffing is always low, I see his distress early and get medication. Heck, just my presence would be comforting but I'm also serving as a private duty nurse. My step mother is there in the afternooons and I try to find stress reducing, spirit enhancing things to do for myself.

Charlottesville has a hiking trail around most of the city. I've spent hours doing sections of it. Now INTERNET CONNECTION!! How wonderful.

If you are interested in hospice care or why we decided not to artifically feed dad with a feeding care the hospice folks here gave us a wonderful booklet which is available online at www.hardchoices.com in PDF. It was a hard choice for sure but I'm comfortable that it was the correct one and this booklet really helped me.

I hope I can get my husband to bring my daughter down tomorrow and spell me while we spend the day together. We talk on the cell phone but I really feel disconnected from her. That is not good with a 13 year old.

Now to see if I can set up an email account on hotmail or something and email my friends and family. What a stress buster this is. I feel reconnected with the world.