OR- HOW GLITTER BOOTS SAVED MY LIFE
Back in mid-April I turned 65, which was mostly a Medicare-induced nightmare that started April 1st, continuing to this day. I was assured the transition from having my former primary health insurance become secondary to Medicare would be no problem. Take my word for it, so many different ways for billing to go wrong in the midst of important tests, prescription refills and doctors' appointments...and go wrong they did, royally. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HOW GLITTER BOOTS SAVED MY LIFE? Be patient. Sit back with a beverage of your choice. Some day you may find yourself facing similar issues and here is one solution.
I have been going through bags, boxes, closets and dresser drawers to donate or throw away clothes that no longer fit me, were threadbare, can't believe I actually went out wearing in public and now seem inappropriate considering my widowed and senior citizen status. As my birthday approached, I knew my sons would not do anything so I picked some items on Amazon, emailed them the list with a silly motherly note hoping they would take my gesture as practical while allowing them to feel like good sons, which they are.
The main thing I wanted was a pair of high-topped gold glittery sneakers. I know, not exactly age appropriate but just looking at them made me smile so I measured both feet to ensure I'd receive the correct size. (Learned the hard way with a previous order of black sneakers made in China.) I imagined my father smiling down from Heaven, not because of the measuring, which he never would have done and should have but because his daughter was using Math in everyday life.
The other items included two bras advertised as "so comfortable you can sleep in them" (strange gift from sons but ever since the pacemaker, finding a comfortable, supportive bra has been a fruitless, frustrating task akin to searching for the Holy Grail). Maybe that sounds ridiculous but I'm still teaching the sons things women go through in life plus I had a backup defense in my mind wherein bras could be a gift from the understanding girlfriend.) Besides, I'm a big believer in getting the most out of a situation.
The understanding girlfriend turned out to be quite the ally. Back to the rest of the gifts, two bags of a special coffee my local grocery store no longer has available, 200 tea lights, two pairs of bamboo pajamas, nontoxic yellow jacket traps for the front and back yard plus a hybrid mattress. Total cost was about $200, which I thought was not unreasonable. Order was placed; items received before and after the actual day which was fine. OMG. Gold sneakers were dazzling, the best gift ever!
Cautiously, I tried the gold sneakers indoors with different thicknesses of socks. They felt strange but I played with adjusting the laces, even added old custom made orthotics which actually helped so I purchased some gel ones at the grocery store which work fine. Wore them 2-3 hours per day watching for redness or signs of irritation, finding none. I even snapchatted my feet wearing them to my small group and responses were along the lines of, "those are the most YOU sneakers ever."
Time to wear them outside in The Big Wide World, starting with the day to find out bone marrow biopsy results. The receptionist, who said she had the same birth day but not year, was first to see the gold sneakers and suitably impressed, as was a passing janitor. Lab tech who drew my blood gave me a thumbs up. Nurse who took vitals loved them but said she wasn't really a glitter person although her sister who just died a week ago was. Floodgate of tears while I ended up comforting her and listening to her sister's last minutes on Earth.
Wore them to my mother's 94th birthday party at her assisted living and my gold glitter sneakers were a big hit, even more so with staff who usually comment on my hair. The most recent outing was to yet another birthday, a barbecue held by a client of my sons', a delightful mix of family, friends, and colleagues who were all fun to talk with besides the food being exceptionally fine. The food was mostly supplied by two chefs flown in from Kansas City, old college buddies of the birthday guy. My balance was particularly bad so I was using my cane, watching out for small children, and mostly sitting.
After a toast was proclaimed, I slowly made my way to the steaming chafing dishes, filled a plate with meat, vegetables, cornbread and a side of broccoli slaw. No one could see my sneakers, which was fine; I was starving. Back at the table, the hostess introduced me to a couple who travel extensively, love to read the same book at the same time plus passionately collect African tribal art. Speakers connected to a laptop for music were set up facing me and suddenly I could barely hear anything except noise.
After enjoying every morsel, I ventured towards the house from our tent seating due to rain. There was a short line for a tiny bathroom. One person waiting was the head chef, a 7-foot-tall redhaired guy who resembled a Viking except for his attire. I complimented him on the food, especially the smoked brisket and moist cornbread. He was staring at my gold sneakers, towering two feet above me, "Back in the 80s, some friends were in an off-off-Broadway musical and there was a song called 'Glitter Boots Saved My Life'. You should watch it on Youtube."
I listened to the song, then read about the various revivals of the show. Too bad I don't live in London although I might be able to find a bootleg version of the intergalactic musical so I could write a proper review. At least now if Saucy Jack and The Space Vixens comes to a venue near you, you would have the chance to see how glitter boots might save your life because as I replied to the chef, "I could use SOMETHING, anything at this point."
If you want to see my new sneakers
If you want to read a humorous outlook on buying cheap things online