Seeking experienced Murderous Love Slut for FULL TIME EMPLOYMENT

Needed: one self-motivating, well read and sexually uninhibited harlot to mill about in my fortified mansion of decadent opulence and wait to seduce, detain and murder any horny, over zealous heroes that defile the sanctity of my home. Must bring your own sex tools; lavish, dimly lit bedroom, weapons of torture and execution will be provided. No spacey bimbo's need apply, I need only a street wise vixen with a taste for the macabre. Another big hearted tart who falls for the dashing, reckless type or another floozy who has a penchant for giving up the "goods", coming like a race-horse and forgetting what she is supposed to be doing and I will lose my fucking mind, I swear it.

You must be a goddess.
You must be ruthless.
You must NOT have any fake body parts.
Strict lesbians willing to copulate with men as a part of work ethic a bonus!
Skill with throwing knives a bonus.
Must know Kung-Fu and how to do those neat gymnastic backflips accross the room.
Must have attended and graduated certified gun saftey classes.
You MUST be willing to kill, there are no exceptions!
You must be familiar with all of the James Bond movies that star Sean Connery and have a working knowledge of all of his sly tricks and wily charms (there will be a test!)

Please fax resume and picture to enclosed number and make sure to include cover sheet reading:

ATTN: Mr. ToasterLeavings - Human Resources Division