This new trend has come to a head with me this morning. Ranking in stupidity right up there with capri pants and pink tee-shirts, I find this practice confusing and disturbing.
The only reason I can see for wearing your keys around your neck is if you lack the cognitive ability to keep track of them, thus it is rather something that I would expect to see a person afflicted with downs syndrome wearing and not a member of the The Wretched Spearsean Army of Idiocy. *
This morning I walked into Coffee People to get my traditional and much needed double iced Black Tiger mocha with whipped cream when I spot a goofy looking 16-year-old girl wearing a pink tee shirt, high waters, so much base that her face was 6 shades lighter than her arms and a big blue shoelace around her neck. It wasn't so much the caked on make-up, or the way her head kept bobbing and swaying. It wasn't the way she kept making these bizarre clicking noises or that she said "like" 23 times while ordering her drink. It was that big fucking blue shoelace with the words "Backstreet Boys" on it over and over again and the gigantic wad of key chains and 2 keys that were hanging from it. I was nearly moved to violence; berserker fantasies of me yanking the abomination from around her neck and dashing her head in with the 14 pound glob of plastic Hello-Kitty key chains at the end of it danced behind my murderously glazed over eyes.
How can she go to school and persecute the geeky kids for their ever-so-horrid fashion sense while she's sporting a big blue shoelace around her neck like forgetful special Ed. kid?

Is this a complete no-brainer or am I imagining things? What's next; decorative shatterproof safety goggles? *

* This is in no way meant to belittle the handicapped community; only to point out the unusual and seemingly incompatible origin of modern adolescent fashion. Excuse me, I am headed over to the patent office to submit my design for the N'Sync Crash Helmet.