Dear DMan,

Please give me back my fucking hedge trimmers. You have had them for two years now and you don't even own a hedge. I also don't appreciate the fact that you have taken my lawn tools, which I entrusted you with, out of the fucking country. I have nothing against China, but I can only assume that American hedge trimmers were in all probability not designed to cut the flora and fauna of bizarre foreign lands.

This is no sort of slam against you or your plants (even though the only one I've seen so far is the god damn pot of lavender that you keep next to the window in your dorm). I guess what I am trying to ask you is -- Why the fuck did you borrow my bleeding hedge trimmers and then take them from the country if you don't even own a hedge? It doesn't make much sense now does it?

Just try to put yourself in my shoes and I am sure you will be able to understand my mounting paranoia about the whole thing.

thank you and give them back.